Aw, THANKS, GUYS!

Well, the advice did come pouring in, as well as suggested topics. I will now respond to everyone with painstaking thoroughness. See? I got a whole 'nother blog outta this!!

I'll just go in order of response.

Reggie said:

Dear Danielle,

Can a "Choco Taco" really be considered an actual taco?

Sincerely,
Frustrated in the Frozen Foods Aisle

Dear Frustrated,

Though I do confess a deep, deep love for tacos, I feel duty-bound to offer up the disclaimer that I am BY NO MEANS an expert or authority on them. I have done strange things in the name of good tacos, like risking the respect of my Production Assistant on a movie when I sent her 30 minutes out of her way to pick up some tacos from this little itty-bitty taco stand in L.A. (She was craving them, too, though, so it was all good) (And I paid).

Taco tales aside, I personally feel that anything tasty - be it beef, chicken, veggies, beans (LEGUMES!), cheese, or ice cream - cradled by a delicious crispy, crunchy, or even soft, u-shaped vessel (resembling a tortilla) which allows you to EAT YOUR FOOD WITH YOUR HANDS is, indeed, a taco.

But, you know, it's all about objectivity. Thanks for writing!

Anonymous (Kimberly) said:

spanking...

Dear Anonymous (Kimberly),

While it's true that I CAN claim to be somewhat of a knowledgeable resource when it comes to this particular form of discipline/fetish, I still cannot claim any authoritative standing when considering the topic.

That said, what in particular would you like me to address? Implements? The spanking community itself? How hard to spank (you definitely need to reign in that wind up, girl!)?

Or were you referring to it as a way to keep children in line? My theory on that is largely based on The Loretta Principle, which clearly states: "It's a good idea to hang a belt from the key hook in the kitchen so that when your children are misbehaving (or your son is relentlessly badgering your young, sweet, sweet daughter for NO DAMN REASON AT ALL), you can frighten them into submission by demanding between clenched teeth, 'Get. Me. The. Belt.' And if that doesn't work, BEAT THEIR ASSES."

I mean, look at me. I turned out just fine!

Thanks for your inquiry!

Matt said:

The Residents have a song called Sinister Exaggerator, so it is a word :)

Dear Matt,

THANKS! I'm ALL about validating the existence of words!

CJ Sorg said:

I'm hitting the same empty subject vault on my blog. What I'm finding is that I'm gonna have to be more uhmmm... more specific about certain things. My beliefs, my ideas on right and wrong...that sort of thing.

Everytime I get an idea for a blog entry I write it down and I'll usually have a little list of things to draw from.

One of my favorite things to do is post new artwork (come on - you know you want to make some idiot art), and also responses to junk mail that I get. Those are always fun.

Dear CJ,

Man, am I glad IT'S NOT JUST ME! Thanks for taking the time to offer up some suggestions. I simply feel that TwerpsWorld is in yet another transitional phase. I imagine a time will come very soon when I will once again not be able to STFU.

The writing things down idea is good. I do that occasionally. I should do it more often since I can't seem to hold on to a complete thought for more than 15 seconds these days. I fear my brain has merely become a storage space for post-it notes.

Thanks for the advice! It's much appreciated!

The KC Show (Fer) said:

I find that when women discuss their vaginas in depth, it definitely encourages discourse. i have no interest, however, in getting my ass beat by your brother SO...

1) get jacked on caffeine every morning. CHECK
2) get on the train - CHECK
3) look out the window, or at people the way you look at a Magic Eye/Hidden Image poster
4) Go pure stream of conscious on everything you see and hear.

Subjects reveal themselves everywhere, I shit not.

If that doesn't work, I'm ALL EARS for some vaginal discourse.

Dear Fer,

Oooooof COURSE you took it there. You have a very unique talent for saying something incredibly insightful and thought-provoking, and then farting at the end of the statement so that anything that came before depreciates exponentially due to the trash that just moved in next door. Still, I hear ya, buddy.

PS - I would never have my brother beat you up! All he'd have to do was look at you funny, and you'd shit your skinny, wittle pants! After that, a beating would be moot. I would never ask him to risk re-injuring his back for the sake of redundancy, no matter how amusing.

Thanks for chiming in about my vagina!

Reggie said:

And if that vaginal discourse continues for three days, consult your ob/gyn.

Dear Reggie,

Good looking out!

Bigbro (who could easily make Fer shit his pants) said:

Go back to WTF fridays. After all when you are actively trying to find a specific thing to rant about on Friday, chances are you'll find it.

Dear BabySteve,

First of all, PICK A USERNAME AND SETTLE ON IT. DAMN. It's been a long day. I'm easily confused.

Second of all, I stopped doing WTF? Fridays because I felt like there was too much pressure to find shit to bitch about. Mostly because I was just feeling less bitchy overall, but also because nobody likes anybody who bitches WITH ALARMING REGULARITY. That is, regularity outside my 28-day cycle.

Plus, I can't top the whole, "My mom's downstairs neighbor was dead for a week IN THE DEAD OF SUMMER before anybody noticed THE TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE SMELL" thing.

I thought I went over all this already!? Stop playing online poker and pay attention to me, dammit! This reminds me of endless dinner conversations in which I was CONSTANTLY interrupted! No wonder I can't string a damn thought together!

But, hey...Thanks, bro!

So yeah. I will take all your advice and wisdom to heart, including that which came to me outside the realm of this little URL, and just keep on truckin', hoping that somewhere along the way maybe I'll encounter something interesting (to me, which requires a decidedly odd set of criteria, admittedly) and then relay it in excrutiating, fantastical detail here.

Fingers crossed!