Dude. I Know. I Need To Fucking Update.

This afternoon my older brother, Steve, who cannot decide on a Username here on this venerable (HA!) site, decided to log on to Yahoo! Messenger and take me to task for not updating while I was working. Yes, thank you, Steve. I am aware it's been an appallingly long time since I decided to dump a completely self-absorbed load of turd on this here page.

It's not that interesting things haven't happened to me. Just ask the peeps I actually talk to. They'll tell you about the linguistically-challenged, Serbian, surprise-husband of my crazy roommate (the non-cat owning one). They'll also tell you about an all-day shopping expedition that yielded one lone purchase, which I'm not even that crazy about. The best part of that day was the wings, yum! And, of course, quality time with Kimberly.

I have to give her a lot of credit for dealing with me. See, I hate shopping and I will tell you why. In addition to hating shopping, I also hate people. Not individuals, because I luuuuuurv me some individuals, but it's throngs of them I loathe. Humanity en masse. It drives me insane. You can see now why moving to New York City was such a good idea for me.

It's one of the drawbacks of living in a city to which everyone wants to travel, and in a country against whose dollar every other nation's currency prevails. TOURISTS. EVERYWHERE. They cannot walk and talk at the same time. They do not have the sense to move out of the way as they scrutinize maps they can't read. They shop like they're in a 100,000 sq. ft Super Wal-Mart with allllll the tiiiiime in the wooooorld. Move that fanny packed ass, Glenda! The clock is ticking! I have clothes to try on and not buy and wings to eat!! Not to mention the wild-goose chase/sugar-free yogurt hunt I have to drag Kimberly around the city for! DAMN!

No, but Kimberly was great. She knew exactly when to tell me to calm down, which was on average about ever 47 seconds. Of course, she had to speak to me like I was a second-grader, in very placating and soothing tones, but it worked. She will do very well in her chosen career path. I'm not sure what I will do this winter without her when I'm trying not to be naked and so having to shop for clothes amongst all the HOLIDAY CHEER and whatnot. Muppet. It's all on you now...

And why are clothes so expensive? Seriously. If I could potentially get arrested for walking around naked (as I will be forced to do this winter unless I get "hired" for...stuff), well, then I think clothes should be free! Also? Chicken wings. They should be free, too. Just because I like them so much.

Clothes, chicken wings, tacos and bananas should all be free.