Fixin's

Last year I kind of cheaped out on my Thanksgiving post (which I will not link you to. It's right over there to your right in the Archive, lazy asses!) by basically counting up all the cheesesteaks, hoagies, meatballs and glasses of wine I consumed and then writing about it. MY how things have changed! But, you know, I'm not going to go there right now. That's more for the TwerpsWorld Year In Review, due sometime in December. For now, let us discuss The Day The Goverment Decided We Should Kick Off The Holiday Shopping Season With A Bang And Eat Some Motherfucking Turkey, Yo!

Thanksgiving is one of my favoritest holidays. When I was in grade school, I would pretty much draw the same Thanksgiving scene every year when it came time to make the Thanksgiving Art that would hang in the hallways. I would draw women cooking over a fire outside of a tee-pee, an animal skin stretched out in a wood frame for drying, a pig roasting upside-down on a spit. Seriously. (Sidenote: I also once made a pig mama suckling her piglets -runt included- out of clay in Art class. I still have it. Who does that?)

I also drew women making a rug with their babies bundled on their backs. I never really drew Native American men in the scenes, though, despite the allure of rendering a Chief's feathers. Maybe it's because my father left when I was five and I was raised by a single mother, so my awareness of the importance of males in a living situation was somewhat skewed. Or maybe it's because I had a hard time drawing a brave without making his naked chest look like girl boobies. Hmm.

Another favorite thing from Thanksgivings Past was The Thanksgiving Lunch. Oh, what? Did you think I was going to say the Thanksgiving Play? Or wearing construction paper pilgrim bonnets? HELL NO!!! The lunch, bitches! I was ALLLL about the lunch! Dry, oval-shaped white "turkey" slices, a round scoop of instant mashed potatoes, and gravy, a similarly-shaped mound of stuffing, the vegetable medley of peas, carrots, and corn, and for dessert, that little pumpkin tart thing. Remember that thing? I LOVED THAT SHIT! And all of it was served up with luuuuuurv by your favorite Lunch Lady.

Man. I miss compartmentalized food doled out with an ice-cream scoop.

Anyway, as Myles Standish's great great great great great great great great x100 granddaughter (supposedly...I mean, the Standish name WAS in my family until the turn of the century), I feel it's something of a duty for me to do a worthy Thanksgiving post. Is everybody else doing one? Probably. We're all thankful for something, after all. I mean, I 'm thankful for many things, most of which revolve around meat, but there's other stuff, too. Like successfully gaining control of my health and all the healthy babies born in my sphere this year. I'm thankful for INGDirect.com, the word "luscious, " porn...what else?

Here's a smattering of the Shit I'm Thankful For in 2005, in no particular order:

1.) Damn near anything Sugar Free!
2.) Airplanes
3.) New music!
4.) Corner Bistro Cheeseburgers
5.) Earbuds
6.) Rock and Roll!
7.) Text Messaging
8.) Apple
9.) iTunes
10.) Family
11.) Unlimited access to nuts
12.) CitrusMint!
13.) Kimberly's wardrobe
14.) Insoluble AND soluble fiber!
15.) NYSC
16.) Girlfriends!
17.) Laughter
18.) Oatmeal/Oatbran
19.) Veggies
20.) Every single one of this site's 7,544 visits (since 6/05!)
21.) YOU! My loyal readers!
22.) Obsessive Compulsive tendencies
23.) Unconditional Love

Happy Thanksgiving, everybody. Wherever you are, whatever you're doing, whoever you're doing it with, I hope it at least involves a lot of laughs...and, at some point, unfastening your pants!