Wanted: Physicist With Some Free Time, Or A Puggle!

I fucking heart Wikipedia. No, really. If I had had access to this as a child, I could have saved my father a loooooot of time and energy (and frustration) what with all my endless questions.

TwerpsWorld: I'm back. In case you couldn't tell. I mean, I've already used the "F" word.

So, yeah, if you know any physicists who just need a break from their New York Times Crossword Puzzle, then refer them to me, because I would really like to figure out why time fucking FLIES when you're having fun and why it drags fucking ass when you're mired in the type of misery out of which not even a chicken cheesesteak can dig your sorry ass. I mean, I have a vague understanding of the whole thing. I'm just having trouble with the Planck Scale. Do you think I need a graphing calculator for this? I have a protractor...

I'm pretty overwhelmed by everything I haven't written, so I'm just going to update you on TwerpsWorld-At-Large.

1.) My little brother went into the Marines. I would have posted something sappy and sisterly and heartfelt, but I was still in vacation mode and I already did that when he graduated High School. One day, he took it in his head to join the Marines and so he did. But not before buying rims for his 12 year-old Jeep with over 200k miles on it. SWEET! I don't think it's really hit me that he's gone. Like, literally. He will never be the same. The Eric I love/loathe won't really exist anymore because they're gonna break him down and build him back up again. I just hope he has enough common sense to retain what makes him HIM before he's completely assimilated into the Borg. What? It worked for Picard, bitches!

2.) Kimberly is moving back to her hometown of Boston, MA to pursue a degree in Theater Teacher Education. This seems almost absurdly perfect for her personality. I don't know why it didn't occur to anyone BEFORE the shoes and the Spanx and the apartments, but all things in due time, I suppose. If the thought of Kimberly being responsible for the shaping of young, impressionable, creative minds somewhat butts up against any ideas you may have formed about her personage via the numerous tales on this website, I can assure you that you need not worry over any wee ones. Kimberly is indelible. She'll be THAT teacher for so many kids. I truly believe this will be her niche.

On a more personal note, I fucking HATE YOU FOR LEAVING ME, BITCH! I'm kidding. I love you. Thanks for all the clothes through the years...for Pink Coat, especially...and for everything that does wonders for my boobs. They thank you, too!

I have never seen you more certain of anything. I know you'll accomplish everything you've laid out. You don't have to prove anything to anybody but yourself! I believe in you, girl!

3.) I had tacos today.

4.) I was on vacation last week! WHOO!! I don't even know if I ever mentioned that I was going on vacation, but on vacation I did go and it? Was AWESOME. I went to Hell-A, y'all.

It was very good to see Meghan again after so many years. Some things just seem to never change. Within seconds of seeing her, it was like the past three years apart never happened. I fell in love with her apartment and with her roommate. Personally, I'd like to see her take down all the TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE pictures of me, but she looks cute in all of them, so they should stay up. ;) It was SO GOOD to see you, Meghan!!!!

I got to meet up with my friend Andy, who is doing very well. Oddly, he never reads this site. Probably because he's super-talented and super-busy and has taste. Heh heh heh. And a perfect head. Everytime I see him I am struck by the perfection of his skull. I have a flat spot on mine, but his is round. Clearly, my mother didn't engage me nearly enough. If she had, my head would be perfectly round like Andy's and maybe I wouldn't still be an assistant! HA! Whateves, Andy promised to give me a job when his shit hits the fan, and I'm holding his perfectly-skulled ass to it! Gimme a job, yo! With bennies, thanks. Love ya, Butterdoodle!

I also had big plans to meet up with my former mentor, Frederick, as well as my friend Stephanie - a recent Los Angeles transplant, my childhood friend, Joey... I had even made plans to meet up with a coworker who was in L.A. on a commercial shoot at the same time I was there. However, these plans fell through and I will tell you why: I met Motherfucking Dan Certa. That fucker is some kind of crazy Jedi Master or some shit like that. If you've met him, then you KNOW.

Maybe it was the mandles, or the new goatee, or the fucking Certamobile or the spending orgy at the Apple Store, but I pretty much blew everybody off so I could continue stalking his ass at close range. It's not everyday a girl gets a chance to do shit like that. He even let me take a picture of him, which I just dropped off for "developing" today (I'm so fucking vintage!). When it's done, I'm going to send it to his lawyer, which is now the only avenue of communicating with him available to me, and ask him to have MFDC sign it.

In the meantime, while I wait for that damn photo, I'm going to get cracking on this whole Space-Time thing. Should I find no comfort in extracting a solution to the whole fast fun/slow misery conundrum, I'm going to start a new obsession.

Is that ENOUGH for you, you nosey, greedy little pervs?