WTF? Fridays, Volume XIII

Considering I have already written enough vitriolic verbiage to fill a vat usually reserved for the liposuctioned fat of rich ladies in Westchester County regarding Will motherfucking Fraggle and how he wrested my iTunes from my tender breast like a thief in the night, I'm having trouble coming up with enough acerbic acrimony to warrant a full WTF? Fridays post. I'm having some fun with alliteration, though!

Additionally, this being the 13th addition of WTF? Fridays somewhat gives me pause due to the number 13's well-documented unlucky karma. However, this is actually only the 12th fully-realized WTF? Fridays post (I think I bailed on the 8th or 9th edition), so I'll continue on, but tread lightly so as not to tempt the fates with 1.) my judgemental, usually ungrateful bitching and 2.) the number 13. I'll cross my legs as I write this to ensure further protection for myself and you, my loyal, faithful readers - even those of you that lurk!

Quickly then -

1.) Men. If you see a pregnant woman on the train, particularly one that's balancing a large bag and a toddler in addition to supporting a visibly occupied belly, GET THE FUCK UP OUT OF YOUR SEAT AND LET HER SIT DOWN!!!

WTFingF? COME ON!!!

This has become such an epidemic, that I kept track this week of the number of times I gave up my seat to a pregnant woman. Keep in mind these are times that I managed to beat someone else to it. I ride 2 trains twice a day, sometimes more, but for the sake of this bitchfest, let's say that I'm on a train 30 times a week. The trains are usually full when I'm on them, since it's close to or right before or after rush hour, so grabbing a seat is a rare occurrance.

I gave up my seat 3 times since Monday to pregnant women. Another TWO times I was beat to the punch by OTHER WOMEN. The men just sat there. WHAT. THE. FUCK?

The last time I did it, which was the scenario I first mentioned, this woman was so obviously exhausted and her child was so cranky, that it angered me that no one offered up a seat to her before I did. The train had started moving, btw. I attempted to and successfully made scathing eye contact with at least three of the men sitting around her, who quickly averted their eyes when they met mine. I hope they felt like dicks, BECAUSE THEY WERE.

Chivalry is dead.

2.) Tourists blow. And don't know how to walk. They walk like the people in my hometown drive. Like fucktards.

3.) Ketchup on hotdogs. I saw two people today with ketchup slathered on their hotdogs. WTF? That's disgusting! Hotdogs = mustard, relish, onions, cheese, chilli, etc...BUT NEVER KETCHUP! EW! And never margarine! I have a memory of that from my childhood. Disgusting! Who was that? Was that YOU, Gina?

4.) It's finally revealed that Karl Rove is the Devil's Minion (thanks for the download, MFDC). There's another bombing in London. They're making scary announcements in the subways here and every person with an enviable tan is now a potential terrorist. Bush gets to put appoint a new Supreme Court Justice and Roe v. Wade faces its biggest threat to date. Yet what makes the news?

EMINEM RETIRES.

WTF?

And so what if he does? He's just put out the same record THREE TIMES! What comes after that? And so he then feels compelled to issue a statement, "I'm not retiring."

Sweet. I feel so much fucking better. Now I won't worry so much about the fact that I rely 100% on the subways to get around, and that if terrorists can penetrate and threaten a subway system as excellent as London's, then New York's, which is ridiculously antiquated (some of the signal switches are close to 100 years old. NO LIE.) and in debt beyond belief, is certainly at risk. Which means I'm at risk.

Whoa. Eminem's "Ass Like That" just came on (deh doing doing doooooinnngg). Weird. I'm not linking to it. Not because I'm taking a stand or fighting the power. I like Eminem. He's like, the top-selling rapper of all time. No, I'm not linking to him BECAUSE I DON'T FUCKING HAVE iTUNES!!

I'm sorry! I can't NOT SAY IT!

WILL FRAGGLE! YOU FUCKING LITTLE FUCKER!

WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO WITH MY FUCKING iTUNES???

WTFingF???