So, lately I've been trying to get more sleep. I have realized that I function much better with rest. Which, you know, makes perfect sense. It's one of my many new resolutions/phases/get healthy schemes. Quit sugar, quite refined carbohydrates, quit feeling guilty, start working out, get more sleep, CUT BACK ON CAFFEINE, etc...
As I've made all these adjustments, I've started to feel less and less numb. Sometimes I do miss apathy, but I enjoy feeling things more than I ever wished for numbness. Even the shit that hurts.
I have many things in my life in which to take much pleasure. I have good health (finally!), the best set of friends a girl could ever hope for, a crazy but good family, who are all still with me. I would only be hurting myself were I to continually pursue a state of nothingness simply for its convenience.
There's a reason why I just told you all of that. But first we must handle a delicate matter. Something has happened here recently which I'm sure you all have noticed...
I HAVE LOST MY MUSE.
Have you seen her?? Or it?
I'm at a complete loss! Never in my life have I been so devoid of STORIES TO TELL!! I seem to have lost my ability to take random events and bend them to over-exaggerrated extremes which I then post here for your delight and my own egomaniacal gratification!
I've run out of yarn! How is this possible? Especially NOW, when I'm feeling more emotions and shit? I just don't understand! NO COMPRENDE!
It's possible that I am merely in an Input rather than Output phase. It's been a long time since my last Input phase. Input phases can be dangerous. Especially with all my newly rediscovered "emotions."
Last night I was up very late reading. I also woke up very early this morning and continued reading. By the end of the book, during a particularly heartwarming scene (a dyslexic formerly evil slut overcomes her promiscuous ways and dyslexia to stand up at her sister's wedding and recite a lovely e.e.cummings poem), I felt this lump in my throat, which then turned into a tingling burning sensation in my nose, which then produced two hot tears, one for each eye, which took identical, if opposing, paths down the sides of my face. OH MY GOD. TEARS.
You know what this means, right? This means that 1.) I have a soul (I'd long suspected this might be the case) 2.) I have a HEART (I can back this up with scientific evidence upon request) 3.) My tear ducts still work! 4.) My well of emotions, long ago permitted to become contaminated by the filth of self-loathing and bitterness and then dried up is, apparently, once again suitable for consumption. Just in time for nightly heartwrenching news stories!
If I now have "emotions" and am capable of producing physical manifestations of said "emotions," WHERE, THEN, ARE THE TALES, HMM??? I don't know, but I am bound and determined to find out!
Recent terrifying and heartbreaking events, as well as the anniversaries of past terrifying and heartbreaking events, combined with confirmation that I am finally approaching Human status, compel me to embark on a journey to search out and reclaim My Muse. I can only do so by making a very real effort to be more observant and more diligent about posting those observations here. I am a Woman On A Mission!
My heart is full of purpose and desire and I will not stop in my quest until I return from my journey. I may be spent, I may be weary....but also, hopefully, loaded with enough creativity to once again make TwerpsWorld a place of humor, irreverance, and the occasion WTF? moment...Do not fear my doubtlessly bedraggled and road-weary appearance. You will know me by my clever turn of phrase, rest assured.
How will I accomplish this, you ask? What trusty steed will carry me along the misty, unknown paths of my trek to (re)Enlightenment? Well, I'm glad you asked, my friend. Only one thing holds the power necessary to support me through such a monumental undertaking as reclaiming my muse.
Everyone, I'm sure you remember...But please extend your warmest TwerpsWorld greeting to my long-lost friend -
ICED COFFEE NUMBER TWO, BITCHES!!!!
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2 comments:
Good luck on your caffeinated quest. If it is at all constructive for me to say so, my opinion is that your writing has been much more concise and lucid lately, but less funny in general. However, it has an undertone of wryness that casts the everything in a humorous light. If your blog were spoken, it would be spoken through a smirk.
Here is part of a poem, poorly translated from the French, by weirdo poet Jule LaForgue. He's talking about cigarettes, but for the purposes of this comment we can supplant the cancer stick with any other delectable vice we love to hate.
"Yes, this world is flat and boring; as for the other--bullshit!
"Me, I go resigned, without hope, to my fate,
"And to kill time, while waiting for death,
"I smoke slender cigarettes, thumbing my nose at the Gods."
"tyqzodh"
Thanks, Reggie.
This was a delightful and insightful comment, as usual! Thanks for your feedback.
I can't wait for Iced Coffee #2!!
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