Holy Baby Jesus in Heaven. I just had to serve what looked like possibly the most moist Mrs. Fields cookie cake ever baked to my ladies and ...
I Have Reached My Nut Threshold
There once was a time when I thought I would be able to consume nuts until the end of time, much like my long-held belief that I would never...
I Miss My Bike
Yesterday on the way back to the city, I spied a minivan loaded down with luggage, children, and lots of bikes. Ah, family vacation. I'm...
That's Hardcore
Conversation this morning: "Good Morning!" "Morning, how are you?" "I'm fine, and you?" "I'm good...
Holy God, Someone's Marrying The Muppet!
All day I have been putting off this post because I have been feeling decidedly unfunny lately, and I was feeling the pressure to make this ...
Dear Lopez...I Don't Even Know What To Say
More adventures in Myspace. The following is a message I just got from 'lopez.' I have preserved it in its entirety because...well, ...
Back To Skool
It's that time of year again! The time of year when kids' faces get longer and longer, their shoulders more stooped... It's Back...
Sharing Some OCD
There are some things I obsess over to an almost unhealthy degree, as I'm sure all of you can confirm, so please leave special "OMG...
DAMN, I Love It When I'm Right!
I knew it was going to come up in the consultation. I had a doctor's appointment today. I was a New Patient. As all of you know, being a...
Hungry Monday
Well, I haven't received any death threats or bribes. No one's even tried to blackmail me. Yes, there exists in the universe a pleth...
WTF? Fridays: Fin
So, after last week's entry in which I detailed the horrible stench that precluded the discovery of the obese woman laying dead in the c...
The Story About The Stories
First things first, as always: Crock of SHITE! Today I am sporting a dorktastic hairdo. This is the direct result of laying abed too late th...
Everlasting Luuuuuurv
Moderation and I are strange bedfellows. As a matter of fact, I like to kick moderation’s ass out the bed and force it to sleep in the guest...
The Dog Ate It
I've been so effin' busy today, I haven't had the opportunity to blog on the company dime! Tragic! I did write a little somethin...
Peter, You Crazy Canadian
Most of you know that the dapper, dashing news legend Peter Jennings has shucked his mortal coil in favor of something a little more perman...
Yeah. About Those Poo-Poo Haikus
I think I was just dehydrated. Either that, or Satan was reaching into my gray matter and toggling my self-loathing switch. When that happen...
Two Poo-Poo Haikus
Lost in my daft thoughts - Sometimes I wish I didn't Know any better. AND! Something is squeezing My brain relentlessly. Ow! What the fu...
WTF? Fridays, Volume XV
Ok. This is pretty much the biggest WTF? Fridays post I've ever written. YES, I have said that before. YES, it was true when I wrote it....
Constant Craving
I used to sing that song when I would be unloading the dishwasher when I was in High School. I don't know why. Last night I had an INCRE...
HEEEEEY YOOOOOUUUU GUUUUUUYS!!!
This morning when I awoke, I felt really super tired. This probably has something to do with the fact that I didn't fall asleep until cl...
The RockDog Wants To Know How I Do It
A few days ago the RockDog posed a question asking me how I did it. I thought I would address the question today. First, every human being i...
Smooth Jazz On The Deck, Sans Smooth Jazz
This weekend was a busy one for me! Some of you noted my absence from the blogosphere. I done TOLD you's that I was traveling this weeke...
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