WTF? Fridays, Volume XV

Ok. This is pretty much the biggest WTF? Fridays post I've ever written. YES, I have said that before. YES, it was true when I wrote it. But I feel I can state unequivocally that this is THE WTF? FRIDAYS POST TO END ALL WTF? FRIDAYS posts. I'm not sure I'll continue with them after this. I'm not sure how I'll ever top it.

Last night I received a phone call from my mom. This is rare, as you know. She likes to communicate with me solely through email, since it's "new" to her. This includes dropping huge bombs which affect my personal life and cause me great stress and worry. Hence, when the phone read, "Mom calling..." I popped out my earbuds and took the call.

"Hey, Mom."

"Twerp. Let me ask you a question. When you were home [last weekend], did you smell anything...unusual?"

"No, why?"

"Well, I noticed this TERRIBLE stench in the downstairs closet. I thought the dog brought something in. I told Eric, 'You are not moving from this house on Saturday until we have cleaned that closet out.' Twerp, it was horrible. It was like nothing I have ever smelled before..."

Let me give you a little back story before I continue. My mother lives in a condominium. She has an upstairs unit. She sold the house we grew up in when I was 23 and still living in L.A. It was a big deal and she's still not over it.

To add more misery, her downstairs neighbors have made her life a living hell by complaining about the tiniest noises, even going so far as to threaten legal action when my mom's garbage disposal hose leaked into their kitchen ceiling and she had not had it painted quickly enough for them. WTF? They complained about the noise WHEN SHE MOVED IN. How do you complain about moving in noise?? BITCHES!

We loathed them. Simply because every time they would have a complaint, rather than speaking to my mother about it directly, they would go through the management office. My mother would receive a letter, which would serve as a harsh reminder that she no longer had a "home" and she would tailspin into a depression about her living situation.

These two ladies were lesbian partners. They were also chainsmokers and quite grotesquely corpulent. I would classify them as morbidly obese. They smoked so much, that their window blinds were stained dark yellow with nicotine and the smell of their cigarettes would waft into all the "common places" in my mother's condo. All the closets and cabinets would smell like stale cigarette smoke. It was disgusting. We occasionally were treated to whiffs of old cat urine, as well. These olfactory assaults were our only recourse in the ongoing "Thy shall hate thy neighbor" relationship the two houses were nurturing.

While I was still living at home a couple years ago, the one lady, who actually owned their condo, was hospitalized for emphysema, etc...She was there for weeks and became incapacitated. They built a ramp for her to access the house. They still did not stop smoking. She passed away last winter. This was a joyous occasion for us.

I know that's mean, but you have to understand where I'm coming from. They were mean-spirited and hermetic bitches! They were never nice to my mother, and never extended to her the common courtesy all human beings deserve. Additionally, they regularly reduced her to tears. Forgive me for not summoning the appropriate amount of sympathy. The joy of the one lady's passing was in the fact that her partner had one year to vacate the condo, since she did not own it. That deadline is this December.

It's been tremendously hot this week. As the week went on, my mother noticed the smell getting stronger. She also noticed that the air conditioner for the downstairs condo wasn't running, which was HIGHLY unusual. These ladies had their ACs on from April to October! Apparently, there had been a storm, and the condo lost power. My mom was able to turn her AC back on when the power was restored.

The stench reached my mom's linen closet. It was then she thought, "Damn. I bet she's dead."

And she was. The remaining corpulent, emphysematic, lesbian downstairs neighbor had died in her sleep. Apparently, the cleaning lady became concerned when her knock was not answered. She noticed cobwebs in front of the screen door, which meant no one had used the door in a while. Then she noticed the AC was off and called the police.

Apparently, her OTHER neighbor had noticed the smell in her kitchen. When the police arrived, she went outside where my mother encountered her. They compared notes and tried to console the housekeeper, who was quite upset.

The lady was in bed, on her side, head resting on her arm, and her TV was on. She had been dead for approximately three days.

Mom's a little creeped out since she's had to live with the smell and her bedroom is directly above the dead lady's bedroom. I'm not going to lie and say we're not a little relieved. But I am a little...something. I can't identify the emotion. I guess I just feel bad that she died alone and nobody noticed for three whole days. And that the only person who did finally notice was the cleaning lady.

It's sad that a human being's life can come down to that. But one doesn't come to that state through no fault of their own.