Though most of you have heard this story by now, I'm reposting it here because, well, I really just wanted you to see the cute, wittle Teddy Bear.

I think one of my most endearing qualities as a human being is my uncanny ability to come up with new and exciting ways to injure myself. In my past, I have:

- dive-bombed a bee's nest because my parents threw my "walker" away and I was PISSED, so I walked over to the trash, which was sectioned off by old, wooden railroad ties, which housed a huge nest of very angry bees. I was covered with stings from head to toe. I'm pretty sure my mother's continuing guilt about this is what got me my fully furnished Barbie Dream House.

- touched the wire grill over a huge BBQ pit because it didn't LOOK hot, thereby burning my hand. Red = Hot. Black does not = hot. Somebody back me up here!

- placed my open palm on the top of an electric burner on the stove in our old house because AGAIN, it didn't LOOK hot! RED = HOT!

- grabbed the barrel of my step-mother's curling iron while it was still on and burn my palm, but suffered for hours in silence because I was too embarrassed to tell anybody. But then I broke down into tears and my secret was revealed in the form of a huge, pink blister.

- been hit by a car/abducted by aliens/I don't know what the hell happened there, which resulted in a black out, a concussion, and a loss in memory of the event.

- grabbed the barrel of a soldering iron while it was still on and almost biting a hole through my step-dad's shoulder to keep from screaming in pain. IT DID NOT LOOK HOT. For some reason, there was an ice shortage in my neighborhood that night and no matter how many houses I went to, nobody had ice to spare for my blisters, which eventually broke several days later during a volleyball game on the last day of school. Gross.

- fallen down wet, slippery steps at one of Boston's T stops.

- recounted the rollerblading incident in full on this site before, so I feel no need to revisit it again. But that shit hurt.

- suffered from a back condition which once threw me down for WEEKS after I simply put on my coat.

- had my ass beat a couple times. And I still maintain I didn't deserve it either time!

- had my heart broken after barking up the wrong tree 10 too many times!

- had four of my fingers slammed in the front door of a Volvo and, once they were released, promptly passed out in the back seat.

- shaved scars into my ankles.

- stubbed toes, jammed fingers, poked eyes, torn skin.

- subjected myself to music, movies, images, jobs, people, and events which have scarred me for life.

In this particular situation, I nailed the top of my head against the lower corner of my gym locker door, HARD. I thought I was fine after the stars stopped swimming by my eyes, but when I went to go pick up my purse, I felt blood trickle forward on my head. At that point, I decided to walk to the nearest ER.

I was fast-tracked because it was a "head injury." After they examined the cut, they determined no stitches were necessary (Yay!) and gave me a tetanus shot (BOO!), before sending me on my merry way.

Today I'm sore, on my head and in my arm. When I move my eyebrows, I can feel the cut on my head, which is weird. I'm trying to make like Nicole Kidman and cease emoting, but it still hurts sometimes!

I know this is normal; that people unintentionally hurt themselves all the time. However, it seems to happen more to me than anybody else I know. At least, by this point in my life, Kimberly and the Muppet have successfully managed to break me of the habit of apologizing for it. But I'm pretty sure that most normal people don't think, as they're walking themselves to the ER holding a bloody towel to their head, "I totally deserve a burger for this!"