- ...that I'm STILL unemployed, despite working with three separate agencies?
- ...that Mariah Carey is the featured article today on Wikipedia?
- ...that Shannen Doherty is pretty impressive on her new show, "Breaking Up With Shannen Doherty?"
- ...that I can't believe I just said that?
- ...that everyday I spend at LEAST three hours reading hundreds of job postings across several different sites?
- ...that I had a really hard day on Monday, so I apologize if I owe you an email or a call, everyone, but I'm still bouncing back from the bottom. Pray be patient with me.
- ...that it took me 75 minutes to travel about 11 miles yesterday morning?
- ...that I have not been to the gym since early last week?
- ...that I have no idea how I'll be able to afford myself for the next few weeks?
- ...that when I was running through all the worst-case scenarios for my move out here, being JOBLESS for a WHOLE MONTH never even OCCURRED TO ME? Strategery is clearly not my strong suit.
- ...that FINALLY, today, after months and months and months of watching their jobsite, something popped up at Google for which I'm actually qualified?
- ...that after I applied I really felt like I was going to vomit? Weird.
- ...that I keep staring at the job posting, in much the same way I used to stare into the refrigerator wishing for something chocolatey to magically appear.
- ...that I'm already worried about whether they will call me in for an intervew because that will require an uber-profesh outfit which I do not currently own?
- ...that pawning jewelry was a thought I entertained upon waking this morning?
- ...that I'm sending my SECOND IPOD back to Apple for repair?
- ...that confessing all this is like tearing out all my hairs one by one, because to admit to vulnerability is like reopening an old wound I'd long ago forgotten, and being me right now is not fun, so I'm sorry I'm not calling you back or writing you back or taking an active interest in your life right now, everybody, because it's all I can do to wake up feeling positive and I try to avoid mirrors these days because as much as I fear being judged by other people, whatever they're thinking right now pales in comparison to the look in my own eyes when I dare to meet them.
- ...that I'm SO not re-posting this on MySpace? Former homeroom classmates do not need to know about my internal struggles such as they are at this juncture.
But, you know, for all that, I do know that things will get better, that I'll get a job and start to feel more myself, that my friends are concerned and curious and wish me only the best, that I DO have tremendous support here, but if you know me, and most of you do, you know that it all really comes down to what I think. And right now this is the way I'm thinking.
12 comments:
I know, I know. And thank you for writing it. It brought a tear to my eye and made me giggle.
It's just hard, that's all. I recognize there are harder obstacles in life to surpass, like filing for legal separation from Bobby Brown or losing 95 pounds.
I just wanted to allow a little insight because everyone thinks I'm a hermitic asshole right now.
Seriously, though. You gotta watch Braking Up with Shannen Doherty.
All good things come to those who wait....
YOU KNOW HOW I AM WITH THE WHOLE WAITING THING!
(((((((SNUGGLE)))))))
Something else Geraldine likes to say:
"Live by the sword, die by the sword." (but only in reference to urinary tract infections)
So, um, be careful out there....
At times like these, I recall the wisdom of Tupac Shakur:
“I know it seems hard sometimes but remember one thing: through every dark night, theres a bright day after that. So no matter how hard it get, stick your chest out, keep ya head up.... and handle it.”
“It's like if you plant something in the concrete and if it grow and the rose petal got all kinda scratches and marks, you ain't gonna say, 'Damn, look at all the scratches and marks on the rose that grew from the concrete..' you gonna be like, 'DAMN! a ROSE grew from the CONCRETE?!'”
“I don't mean to sound sleezy but tease me, I don't want it if it's that easy.”
Okay, so maybe the last one isn't pertinent to this situation. But the moral of the story is to keep the faith. Everything is annoying while it happens and then it becomes a funny anecdote later on, upon which you can reflect while sipping champagne while lounging in your hillside hot tub overlooking Hollywood. Also, whatever you do, don't sign a record deal with Suge Knight.
i've been jobless for a little more than two months since moving to new york so i totally feel ya...
And at least you are getting regular ass. so. Things could be worse! And listen to Reggie. Don't sign a record deal with Suge Knight. I'm still in hiding!
Yes, true. The regular ass is a perfectly asstastic bonus. And if you SAW the regular ass of which I speak, you would agree that there's really nothing REGULAR about it. It's quite spectacular. I'm entranced, which is unfortunate as I think he's learning how to manipulate me with it.
There really needs to be a big brother filter or something when I come in here.
heh heh heh.
Keep the faith Danielle! One step at a time - sometimes when you look at IT ALL even when things are chugging along it gets scary. That's just life. You're talent will pull you through.
PS-I know how you are feeling - I am jobless right now too. I recommend keeping busy to avoid the stir crazies.
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