DAMN, I Love It When I'm Right!

I knew it was going to come up in the consultation. I had a doctor's appointment today. I was a New Patient. As all of you know, being a New Patient involves hours of paperwork and endless Physician/Patient Getting To Know You sessions.

You have to answer questions like, "Have you ever sat on a Sit & Spin, taken a hit off a bong, got up all dizzy, and then landed in a pile of dogshit? How about on your mother's side?"

During today's Getting To Know You session, my doctor asked me about my caffeine intake. I confessed it was upwards of 3-4 cups per day. And I actually cringed AS I was saying it.

AMAZINGLY, she said something very similar to Gayle Carter's comment concerning my coffee intake. She said, "That CAN'T be good for you. Anything in excess is not healthy."

And I was all, "But! But! But!"

"Would you say you're addicted?"

"Well," I supplicated, "My coffee consumption only really ramped up recently when I cut out sugar and refined carbohydrates-"

I was prepared to go on FOREVER in defense of my coffee consumption. But she interrupted me and said, "Well, OK then. I would rather you be thinner and healthier and a coffee drinker, than unhealthy and a sugar eater."

And then she wrote me out a prescription for crack.

Cue "The One Thing" by INXS, btw.

So, HA! to all of you naysayers, haterz, and doubters!

My doctor rocks. Except, I almost punched her out at one point. Not intentionally, but c'mon. You have to expect that when a young, luscious lady, such as myself, walks into your office with tender bosoms and then during a breast exam you pinch her nipple REALLY HARD without warning, there's going to be a bit of a reaction. I'm just saying.