Moderation and I are strange bedfellows. As a matter of fact, I like to kick moderation’s ass out the bed and force it to sleep in the guest room at pretty much every opportunity. We do not get along, moderation and I.
The sugar-free thing is a perfect example. Rather than slowly wean myself off of it, I just went cold turkey and was a miserable, headache-y biatch for about a week and a half. And then it was like the clouds parted and the sun burst through, strong and bright – with a glass of ice-cold, sweet, creamy coffee. Yummmmm…
Coffee.
I fucking love it. We all know this. It’s not one of my secret passions, like, say, stalking people I’ve never actually met in person. No, I am open and forthcoming in my love for the bean. I never believed in fate until I was hired at an "advertising agency" to support a direct mail coffee account. Now I support all the coffee accounts. Heh heh heh.
Sigh.
I guess I’ve been a little slow on the uptake recently, but a thought has been forming in my 90% useless brain for a little while now…perhaps…Oh, geez. I don’t know if I can bring myself to say it. This is a public forum and this is a really private thought. Ok, I’m just gonna fucking say it.
It’squitepossibleIdrinktoomuchcoffee.
:o
I know, I know. For so long I held the belief that there was NO SUCH THING as too much coffee. It’s so yummy and sweet and creamy and gooooood. How can that be a BAD thing? I don’t understand!
Coffee is my treat. It wakes me up in the morning and gets me going. I fix it with chemicals and milk and it’s like liquid happiness. (It’s a bit of an expensive habit, though. I bet I spend roughly $750 a year on coffee. At this rate, anyway.)
The fact that when I walked into Hope & Union the other day and the dude reached for TWO CUPS without me asking kind of shook me out of my Tree of Deenial…at least, as far as my coffee consumption was concerned. I was like, "Damn. I’m the Two Cups Of Iced Coffee Girl." I never wanted to the Two Whatevers Of Anything!
I always justified my coffee lust with its powerful antioxidant properties and the fact that I neeeeeded it. And I only drank it in the morning, so what was the problem? Well, probably that I now drink it at lunch these days. Before I crave food, I crave coffee. I just can’t stop myself. I’m Whitney Houston and coffee is my Bobby Brown.
I can’t live if living is without coffee.
You know, the other day when I was chillin’ with the Carters in the backyard, Gayle Carter brought up a very good point regarding my coffee consumption. She said something along the lines of, "Oh my God, that’s sooooooo bad for you!"
I tried to refute that statement, but my antioxidant argument was weak. I couldn’t deny the err of my ways. (I would have had a serious rebuttal had I not been denied my two iced coffees that very morning because I was out before the café opened. Alas, I was nowhere near as caffeinated as I normally am. Hence, dumbpidity.)
This is the honest truth: Sometimes I look forward to the next day because I know I get to have coffee. Sick!
But you know what I say to all of that? To "too much coffee" and "expensive habit" and "large doses of artifical sweetener?"
I say, with some help from The Emotions:
Doesn't take much to make me happy
And make me smile with glee
Never, never will I feel discouraged
'Cause our love's no mystery
Demonstrating love and affection
That you give so openly, yeah
I like the way ya make me about you, baby
Want the whole wide world to see
Whoa, whoa, you've got the best of my love
Whoa, whoa, you've got the best of my love
Whoa, whoa, you've got the best of my love
Whoa, whoa, you've got the best of my love
Goin' in and out of changes
The kind that come around each day
My life has a better meaning
Love has kissed me in a beautiful way
Ooh...yeah (My love, my love)
Ooh...yeah (My love, my love)
Oh, you've got the best of my love
Whoa, whoa, you've got the best of my love
Whoa, whoa, you've got the best of my love
Whoa, whoa, you've got the best of my love
Demonstrating sweet love and affection
That you give so openly, yeah
The way I feel about ya, baby
Can't explain it
Want the whole wide world to see
Ooh...but in my heart
You're all I need
You for me and me for you
Ooh...it's growin' every day
Ooh...
Ooh...oh oh oh oh oh
You've got the best of my love
Ooh...oh oh oh oh oh
You've got the best of my love
Ooh...givin' you the best of my love
My love
Ooh...my love
Ooh...givin' you the best of my love
My love ooh...oh yeah
Ooh...oh oh oh oh oh
You've got the best of my love
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6 comments:
This post is so awesome on so many levels. But I must single out my favorite part, which is the word "dumbpidity."
Yes, awesome on tooo many levels. I personally almost choked on MY iced coffee while reading the part about Whitney and Bobby. Literally.
I agree, this was a treatise on par with Richard Klein's Cigarettes Are Sublime, except without the acute social stigma and hacking cough. Favorite phrase: "I’m Whitney Houston and coffee is my Bobby Brown." I assume this means you like to "Irish" up for coffees from time to time?
See, this is what I love about you guys. I can admit all my faults and obsessions and vulnerabilities and you don't judge me.
At least, not outwardly. Inwardly, I know what you're thinking. And I agree.
;)
I have to amend that previous statement to read:
"I can admit all my faults and obsessions and vulnerabilities and you don't judge me. Or take out restraining orders against me, though it would be well within your rights."
It’squitepossibleIdrinktoomuchcoffee.
You think?
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