Well, I haven't received any death threats or bribes. No one's even tried to blackmail me.
Yes, there exists in the universe a plethora of materials and memories with which several people in many states could render me powerless for fear of them becoming known. Yet they don't dare divulge these nibblets, because I have JUST AS MUCH SHIT ON THEIR SCANDALOUS ASSES! However, if ever the scales were tipped in their favor...(shudder).
I'm glad you're all dealing with the dismantling of the WTF? column so well. No really, I'd have hated it if any of you were upset or anything. Or, you know, CARED at all that TwerpsWorld has gone through such a major growing pain as the end of WTF? Fridays. CLEARLY YOU NEVER LOVED ME!
I mean, CLEARLY YOU NEVER LOVED THE COLUMN!
That's fine, whateves.
Anybody else feeling kinda blah today? It's gray and cool here and about to rain. Also, it's Monday. Mondays blow. Especially Mondays after really hot weekends during which you sweated out every liquid beverage you consumed within moments of consuming it. And were forced to donate large amounts of blood to hungry mosquitos everywhere.* And then endured the Most Hellish Commute Back To Your Apartment In Brooklyn Ever In The History Of Commutes, the thought of which still actually kinda makes you want to cry tears of frustration.
I keep wanting to bounce into the week here, but am having a hard time getting some height. The remainder of my evening, post-commute, was of a quality to ensure such a kick-off, yet I'm nowhere near as Tiggerific as I should be. Maybe the barometric pressure's keeping me down.
Does it mean something that the dude who served me my two iced coffees today had a spontaneous nosebleed right when I said, "Two iced coffees, please?"
I might have a burger today just to knock this bitch out, because clearly, the two Cappie Dogs WITH FRIES I ate this past weekend, though they be the most glorious foodstuffs served in Connecticut, have left me wanting more. The only thing to do in a situation such as this is to cue up a Carpenters album and get a damn burger. If you don't believe me, consult the 2005 Farmer's Almanac.
[insert cliched yet appropriate Carpenters' lyric below]
What I feel is come and gone before
No need to talk it out
We know what it’s all about
Hanging around, nothing to do but frown
Rainy days and mondays always get me down
*Despite these tribulations, I did manage to bank an ASSLOAD of fun!
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4 comments:
OR, you could have fun making up new lyrics to Carpenter's songs-
"Rainy days and Mondays FUUUUUckin suck my buuuuuuuutttttt."
Sister Deebo, I believeth to be true that Bro. RockDog was genuinely upset about WTF Friday being dismantled. He came to me on the sabbath. He was visibly shaken by this news and was in search of some guidance. I counselled him and it appears as though he shall once again be of fine spirits.
Try to stay cool in this heat. For he who hydrates lives to gyrate.
Rocketh ON!
You two fools:
1.) Posted at the SAME EXACT TIME and almost exploded my Yahoo! Mail Alert and
2.) ALWAYS make me laugh! Thanks!
I would like to use this space to let you know, dear strangers, that I had my thirtieth birthday this past Saturday.
Also, has anyone followed anonymous' "cartoon animals" link? Very weird piece of spam. For one thing, it's weird to even get spam as a comment on a blog. For another thing, the "Join Or Die" cartoon--originally a flag design, I believe--is hardly representative of what I would consider a cartoon animal. Oh, look! It's Snakey the Seperatist! I wonder what Ol' Lobsterback has got planned to cook his goose today? I bet it's a protracted, bloody, eight-year war! Chuckle!
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