Glimmers That Never Were

The following is a list of blogs that were once a glimmer in my eye but never made it onto this here site because I talked myself out of writing them (read: am just too lazy to do them justice).

1.) Why I'm Jealous of Gay Men - Because who isn't? Seriously. I was having an IM convo when the idea for this did spring. Gay men!, I thought, have it all! Money! Jobs! Cute dogs! Jake Gyllenhaal! Penises! Higher earning potential! Especially if they're white! But then I thought, hmm...that would be wrong of me to generalize the entire gay community based on the gaytastic turnout I observed at a popular eatery in Chelsea the other day. Also, they don't have it ALL. I mean, for some strange fucking reason, they are not permitted to enter into legal unions because some political leaders have conveniently forgotten about the whole "separation of church and state" thing and like to define marriage by its biblical definition. I try not to be too political on this blog, since it's such a touchy thing, and I was taught to never use this word, but seriously. That's retarded.

So, yeah, I decided against that one because it seems to me that being a gay man is no less shitty than being anybody else, and I would never want to trivialize someone's lifestyle just because they look better in a dress than I do. Which, you know, makes me jealous.

2.) Why MySpace Is Better Than Friendster, And What's The Point Of Either, Anydangways? MySpace is better than Friendster simply because it just is. The interface is so basic it's almost insulting, but it loads 20x faster than any of the Friendster pages, which are constantly trying to redirect you to their latest features like, "Find other burger lovers in your network!" and "Your friend Brian fixed a typo in his profile, click here to check it out!"

MySpace is far more humble, which allows you that much more time to stalk pretty much anybody you damn well wish to stalk, from celebrities who are too stupid to restrict their profiles to their network, to former high school classmates, to Motherfucking Dan Certa. MySpace is far more interactive, intuitive, and increases your chances of stumbling across a great band, a long-lost college buddy, and your 14 year-old cousin who is CLEARLY lying about her age and is a "Passionate Kisser" according to the 27 surverys she posted on her customizable page.

And the point of all that? Why, to make sure you're doing better than everybody you ever hated and about the same (if not a tiny bit better) than anybody you every fancied yourself caring for. And sometimes, you know, you stumble across a fun stranger and it's cool.

3.) Injectable Therapy For Erectile Dysfunction When Oral Therapies Are Not Effective. I was reading the latest issue of Endocrine Today and came across an instructional CD for a new, injectable Magic Boner drug. I thought it would be a hoot to take a look at the CD and then write a review of it. But seriously, how do you make injecting needles into penises funny? Yeah. I'm stumped, too.

4.) Burgers. I always write about burgers. I WILL say that the burgers and fries from DuMont Burger on Bedford are JUST AS GOOD as the ones at the DuMont restaurant in my hood. I can't vouch for anything else. The staff seemed ok; the bartender clearly lacked the ability to multi-task (though found no problem announcing to the joint that "bad art" drove her "insane" and the problem with The Armory is that it "is all about Impressionism") and was a bit overwhelmed by...well, not much, really. Other than that, a perfect burger I could go on and on about, and hence, why this was not its own post.

5.) Almost A Year Since I Went Sugar-Free Anniversary. Yeah, this is played out. I know. But hey, I lost an assload of weight by cutting calories and exercising. Beat that shit, yo.

6.) Apartment Hunting on Craigslist. Some of the things people put in these listings...amazing. I am A. MAZED. And this is actually a glimmer that might become a glint, I'm keeping track of some of these and will write about them as soon as I've fully transitioned back to iced coffee.

7.) My Latest Obsession. I uploaded a picture of myself to this site and have "tried on" about 500 pairs of glasses. It's addictive, consider yourself warned! I didn't write about it because...see? I'm too lazy to even come up with a good excuse!

So, yeah. Those are the scratches from my notebook. But at least I wrote something today! Now, I have to go do my taxes...