Update, Though Grumpy

Ah, yes. It's been a while since I've posted. Since you last heard from me, I had a miserable Administrative Professionals Day, I traveled to Toronto and back, and placed an evil hex on some bitchy broad in a BMW who almost ran me over in a crosswalk yesterday.

The rest of my Administrative Professionals Day went something like this: "Uh, Happy Admin Day. I forgot. Hah hah. Sorry. They should promote that more."

The kicker? I reminded the teams supported by my co-worker that Administrative Professionals Day was coming and sure enough, she was presented with flowers, a gift, and a card.

It's not like I'm greedy and I was all, "Where's my present!?" It's just that, you know, I bust my ass for these jokers, and they forget and make jokes about it. I felt unappreciated and consequently disrespected.

The next day, I got a very nice bunch of TULIPS! from one of my coffee teams. The day after THAT, I had a nice card with an iTunes gift certificate from the part of my group that I don't "officially" support, yet still do a good deal of work for. Later on that same day, Friday, I finally heard from my other coffee team - THE ONE I WAS HIRED TO SUPPORT.

"We forgot!"

"We're sorry!"

I said, "That's ok. There's a lot going on. I know how it is."

And they said, "No, it's not OK. People reminded us and we still forgot!"

Telling me they forgot was like telling me I wasn't important enough to remember. I just had to let it slide. It's not in my personality to dwell on that crap (yet here I am...um...DWELLING on it). So, my gift is a lunch tomorrow, location is up to me. Too bad all the restaurants in this part of the city BLOW.

Moving on, because I have no choice: Toronto was fun, exhausting, kind of frustrating and heartbreaking at the same time. It was also very eye-opening, and I'm not just talking about the hour-long taxicab confession I was subject to while stuck in traffic late Saturday night. My poor, hen-pecked, sleep-deprived cab driver. A poorly-arranged marriage and a star-crossed love...he's miserable. I told him he deserved to be happy.

Lord knows I wasn't after just having experienced Canada's version of a cheeseburger and fries!

As for the bitch who almost killed me in the crosswalk while I had the WALK sign, I really can't go into the phasic complexities of the hex I placed on her.

See, I stepped into the crosswalk when I had the WALK sign, and she almost hit me, so I stopped short. She made an impatient gesture like, "WTF are you walking for?" And I gestured toward the WALK sign and said, "I got the WALK sign, BITCH!" And then she gestured for me to go fuck myself and then I did the same thing, while also articulating the gesture very loudly. She sped off. I was enraged. A hex was born.

Suffice it to say, if all goes well, she should be waking up with a serious case of ass acne, which will prevent her from sitting. So, she will have to call out sick at the boutique PR agency where she no doubt "works," and when she does, the hot new assistant will cover her at an important gala event and take her job.

Jobless, ass scarred, her fiancee loses patience with her whiny, spoiled, "Woe is me" attitude and calls off the engagement. He demands the ring back, and stops paying for the shiny BMW, which was almost the instrument of my demise. Jobless, ass scarred, heartbroken, she will once again have to start her life over, joining the millions of Banana Republic-clad, single New York girls, whose lives are merely a broken record consisting of Lean Cuisines, the Pre-Cor, Tasti D Lite, bars on weekends, and never-ending flirtations with unavailable office co-workers.

I feel bad for her. But she shouldn't have tried to kill me.