Pink For A Purpose. A Purpose Like Conjunctivitis.

Last night I went to the eye doctor for the first time in, oh, about 7 and a 1/2 years. My left eye had some irritation in the same spot for a while, so I thought it was time for some shiny new contact lenses, and I'd get a new pair of glasses to boot. The old pair I have, which I am wearing now, have seen better days.

I was very excited. I printed out my vision plan at work so I knew what would be covered, I sent frame options around to Kelly and Meghan for their input, I found competitive prices for said frames to use as a bargaining tool, and I left work 2 hours early so I could get home, clean myself up, and get to the doctor's office early enough to complete my paperwork before my actual appointment time. I brought MFDC with me so I could get an opinion on frames, etc.

When I walked into the exam room, I was immediately met with disapproving looks. The two technicians who were getting me set up started bitching at me simultaneously: How long has your eye been red? Why are you still wearing your contacts? Take those out right now! I don't know if we can go forward with the exam because you, Miss Danielle, are a dumbass EYE ABUSER who DARED to come to an eye doctor with an unhealthy eye! You must be a Republican!

And then one of them actually fake "slapped" me. I'm not kidding. Because I had insinuated my red eye into their lives before a routine eye exam and contact lense fitting, I somehow warranted a fake bitch slap from someone who three minutes prior did not even know of my existence.

Can you tell me where I went wrong here? Here is the sequence of events:

- A couple weeks ago, around the same time I reached the recommended wear-length for my disposable contact lenses, my left eye started to look irritated. Since they were my last pair, I resolved to finally go to the eye doctor to get my eyes checked, a new prescription, and a new pair of frames so that I could leave my contacts out in situations such as that.

- I show up at the doctor's office expecting to receive a full eye exam and to walk out of there several hundred dollars poorer than I'd anticipated, particularly upon the realization that there are no middle-of-the-road frames available for purchase. They carry only top of the line designer frames, contrary to what they stated on their website.

- I enter the exam room and am greeted by two bitches questioning me and judging me because I, the one with the BS in VISUAL MEDIA ARTS, did not properly diagnose my pain-free yet irritated eye as probable conjunctivitis instead of old-contact-lense irritation, and therefore must have set forth, with malicious intent, on a quest to waste everybody's damn time.

- They tattle on me to the doctor who, upon seeing my eye, questions me in such a way that it's obvious he knows the answers but he just wants to put me on the spot and make me feel bad for not knowing what the fuck was wrong with my eye and ASSUMING I could get a pair of eye glasses at the eye doctor!

"So, you have irritation in your left eye."

"Yes."

"And you're still wearing your contact lenses?"

"Yes."

"Because you don't have glasses."

"No, that's why I'm here. I need new glasses."

"Right, so you could possibly have an infection in your eye and you're still wearing your contacts because you don't have glasses."

"Right." Objection, your honor! Didn't we already cover this?

"So, you decided to ABUSE YOUR EYE."

Objection! This mofo is OUT OF ORDER! Move to strike!

He squirted some orange crap into my eye and looked at it with a blue light. He diagnosed my eye as, "a little pissed." He put me on an expensive antibiotic eye drop that my insurance covered only a little bit, and bade me return at the asscrack of motherfucking dawn on Saturday as penance for having a slight case of conjunctivitis and deigning to get it taken care of.

Anyway, that's about all that's going on with me. How are you?