The Dangers of Ambivalence

I don't think ambivalence is something a person can control. At least, I know I can't.

When I realized Sunday afternoon that I had lost my debit card, I was pretty ambivalent about the whole thing. I knew exactly what had happened to it: On the way to meet up with Kelly, John, and a bunch of other peeps at Chumley's in the West Village, I stopped at a Washington Mutual ATM to get some cash. Washington Mutual ATMs require you to insert your ATM card. And then it keeps it until you're done. Highly unusual in this city. Mostly everything is a swipe-type situation. As a consequence, I have lost the habit of sticking around after I have received my cash and receipt.

I was distracted - listening to my iPod, taking in the Village on a Spring evening, since I don't get down there much. I grabbed my cash, my receipt, and walked away. It wasn't until it was time for me to pay for my mani/pedi the following day that I realized it was gone.

I was nervous for maybe a minute...well, maybe a little bit longer, but then a feeling ambivalence cloaked me and I relaxed about it. I felt sure the machine had kept my card when I did not remove it, and I hoped no one had gone in after me. Additionally, I knew my bank would give me a temporary card the next day, and I had moved the bulk of my funds to my savings account before the weekend to keep myself in check. I wasn't worried someone was on a hooker/coke binge courtesy of my checking account.

Yesterday at lunch I got a temporary ATM card, all my balances were fine, and I am expecting my new debit card in 7-10 days. The Age of Convenience! A 15-minute trip to my branch and the problem was sorted out. I even recall marveling at how far we've come as a society. Ten years ago, this would have been a huge pain in the ass. But not now! Jaqueline Marriott at Chase Manhattan Bank took care of me with a few clicks and a swipe and I was set. Lah dee dah.

HAD I KNOWN WHAT WOULD COME TO PASS TODAY, I WOULD HAVE FREAKED THE FUCK OUT.

I just tried to buy "Don't Cha?" by The Pussycat Dolls (I've been searching for it for about 2 weeks and stumbled upon it today) and lo and behold, since I canceled my debit card upon which my iTunes funds are drawn - I WAS DENIED.

I AM iTUNES-LESS FOR THE NEXT 7-10 DAYS. To make matters WORSE, I am in the process of QUITTING SUGAR.

NO iTunes plus NO sugar makes Danielle A BORDERLINE PSYCHOPATHIC PERSONALITY. I was doing OK without the sugar. Had a headache, but was OK. I don't know what I'll do without the iTunes. I mean, just KNOWING that I WANT THEM AND CAN'T HAVE THEM is enough to make me want to pass out.

I'm sure I'll survive. I mean, I've been through worse things, like back surgery and food poisoning. But it makes me wonder, HAVE I NOT SUFFERED ENOUGH?

I can't help but think this is karma. I can't imagine that this is a bad thing, but perhaps it's just APPLE COMPUTER karma rather than, like, REAL karma. Last night I went to the Apple store in Soho to see if I could acquire more ear things for my ear buds, which I hate but have to deal with for the time being. I was meeting Kelly at her place at 8:30, so I had some time to kill. I took myself away from all the iPod accessories I was circling so that I would not be tempted to buy something I really cannot afford.

Instead, I went downstairs. Have you seen these yet? Well, there were about nine of them in the store (which, I have decided, will be where I get married). As of last night when I left, I had saved this in the Safari browser's Bookmarks Toolbar of about seven of them. I thought I was so funny!

Lessons learned:
1.) Apple, clearly, controls the Universe. And my karma.
2.) Always carry an iTunes giftcard in the event you lose your ATM card, end up being very ambivalent about it, and then decide to buy some iTunes.
3.) They make socks for iPods now. I must have them.
4.) Coincidentally, I received mail from Apple last night about a settlement on some class-action lawsuit involving the power adapter for my laptop. Since my adapter is fine, and I don't want to do ANYTHING ELSE to upset my Apple karma (I must protect my iPod at all costs!), I threw it away.