Warning: I Talk About A Dude's Ass In This One

...so if you're not interested in hearing me rhapsodize about a complete stranger's rear end, then you should just skip to Muppetita and take a gander at The Hat.

It's horribly gloomy today. It's rainy and 50 degrees. I am wearing a light sweater. I chose it because it's the WARMEST of my light sweaters. Anyway, I woke up in a terrible mood. My self-loathing factor was reaching into the red zone. It was so overwhelming that, were I less of a lady and not brought up to ack rite, it would manifest itself in some appallingly self-destructive, slutastic behavior.

Add to this terrible feeling my lack of umbrella (buying one today at lunch), and you can see how my morning was threatening to get considerably worse. I still managed to procure my coffee and I made my way to the subway, only to get right up to the train as it was pulling away. Dammit.

I opened my coffee lid and took that first glorious sip, but it was no match for the voices in my head. Then, suddenly, from out of nowhere, up walks my favorite Subway Guy. As a mole, when you spend much of your time underground and riding the same trains, faces begin to come familiar to you - so familiar that a tiny bond of courtesy can form, which involves smiles of greeting and holding the subway doors. Conversely, it's also possible to develop feelings of loathing and hatred toward your less favorite fellow subway riders. At any rate, I thought I caught a glint of recognition in his eyes when he looked my way.

My favorite Subway Guy has earned that status because he is 1.) A Complete Geek with JUST the right amount of G! 2.) He is tall, about 6'3" and well-framed 3.) he dresses like any self-respecting Geek would, but is obviously mindful of pant length; his clothes fit him well 4.) he wears glasses and reads on the train 5.) he looks around a lot...endearingly paranoid 6.) he has the best ass I have ever encountered on a Geek...thus far.

When he walked up, I thanked Jesus. He turned his back to me, providing an unimpeded view of my favorite part of him. My morning was beginning to look up.

We boarded the train and he followed me to the right. I found a seat and he stood. directly. in. front. of. me. I was about to pass the hell out when, at the last minute, he switched sides and stood with his back to me. I don't know if he was making a concession for me (heh heh. Right.), or if he is just more comfortable standing on that side of the train, but it would have been glorious had that woman reading "Psychopath" not come to stand directly in front of me.

I ended up passing out anyway, when I got settled into work.

You know, it was on the tip of my tongue to tell my favorite Subway Guy what I thought of his ass as I left the train. But I didn't. It's just more fun keeping it to myself.