WTF Fridays, Volume II

Before I get into my two most WTF?able moments of the week, I have to just do a quick run-through of my Items That Require Immediate Attention checklist:

1.) Pay a ridiculous amount of money for an adorable curtain: CHECK (Anthropologie)
2.) Buy the traditional Friday Ridiculous Coffee Drink: CHECK (Almond Joy Freeze)
3.) Blog even though you have time-sensitive tasks pending: CHECK
4.) Email Kristoffer Carter about adopting his intellectual property: CHECK
5.) Publicly lament your recent iTunes purchase of a Patti Labelle/Michael McDonald duet while being secretly glad you did it: CHECK
6.) Foster an intense and incredibly out-of-character-for-you dislike for your temp: CHECK
7.) Eat a bran muffin for its restorative qualities, even though it's low-fat and tastes like a brick: CHECK
8.) Recognize and appreciate that it was actually a pretty good week, forthcoming WTF? moments notwithstanding: CHECK
9.) Get your Kelly Clarkson DVD from the Post Office: CHECK!
10.) Secretly admit to yourself that you're intrigued by the "Kelly's Camping Camera!" special feature: CHECK
11.) Set aside money for your vacation: HOLY SHIT! CHEEEECK!!!
12.) Overbook yourself for the weekend: CHECK, as usual.

The following are the two most WTF?able moments of the week and, coincidentally, they both occurred yesterday. Up until that point, my week was decidedly WTF?less.

A.) The temp. He is annoying as all hell. He speaks in a whisper, cannot form complete sentences, leaves out critical details when he does manage to utter something coherent, and invades my personal space on an almost hourly basis. Creepy. Plus, he touched me this week. All of those are marginally WTF?-worthy, though they grate on my nerves like nails on a chalkboard.

Yesterday we received a large shipment of nuts. I support a nut account. Go on. Make the "nut" jokes! I'll wait. Ok, moving on...as they were being unpacked, a coworker exclaimed, "Danielle! We have lots of cashews now!" To which I replied enthusiastically, "That's excellent! They contain lots of soluble fiber!" (Soluble fiber, in case you hadn't already noticed, is now a very important part of my daily nutrition.)

The temp added, in his quiet, halting voice, "They also are a good source of zinc. Which is good for men, because they lose a lot of zinc in their..." His voice trailed off. I slowly swung my chair around to face him, not even trying to conceal my incredulity. "What did you just say?"

Amazingly, he was incredibly articulate and his tone of voice was audible and appropriately moderated when he said, "Men lose a lot of zinc in their seminal fluid. They should keep a can of cashews by their bedside."

WTF????

"I cannot believe you just said that to me, dude!!"

"What, I read it somewhere!"

"Yeah, but, you don't know me like that!"

He laughed. Or, at least I thought he was laughing. A great crease formed horizontally across the front of his head and he make sounds like a goat surviving a near-drowning.

Inappropriate! And before anyone calls into question the decency of what I write here (or to you, personally) while I am in the workplace, I never say those things out loud. I maintain a professional demeanor most, if not all, of the time - unless I know you well enough, and then I let it flow. But if you don't know me like that, then you can't say things like SEMINAL FLUID to me in the workplace. Especially if you overslept that day and showed up 2 hours late, leaving me to pick up your slack. Which all leads to the second WTF? moment of the week:

B.) I spent many hours in the a/v studio last night painstakingly assembling competitive reels. See my previous haiku. The work-related one. Anyway, at one point, toward the very end of the task, punchy and hungry, George and I got into a debate over the proper way to pronounce "Reese's" as in "Reese's Peanut Butter Cups."

"Ok, the last one I need is 'Reese's Peanut Butter Cups.'"
"It's REE-siz, not REE-SEES," George informs me.
"Whatever, dude. Ree-siz. Ree-sees. Whatever you want."
"Say it. Say REE-siz."
"GIVE ME THE PEANUT BUTTER CUPS."
"All right! Damn...I bet you're a dirty girl outside of work."

WTF?

"Are you trying to call me a 'ho, George? Because I asked you for some REE-SEES Peanut Butter Cups?"
"Did you hear the way you said that? Are you trying to tell me you don't get around? I bet you're all into whips and shit."
"GEORGE!!! I. AM. A. GOOD. GIRL. I DO NOT 'GET AROUND!'"
"Right."

WTFingF?