WTF? Fridays, Volume XII

Did you think I wasn't going to do it this week? That I was just going to fucking bail on this like I did the other week? Well, faithless assholes, YOU WERE RIGHT.

I WAS going to bail on this. I was telling Meghan today that I just didn't have the energy to get myself all fired up like that. Plus, I couldn't think of any reasons to be truly pissed off. Sure, I'm tired, but that's never different from any other day. And I'm not exactly keeping up with current events the way I should be. This whole Karl Rove thing should be a WTFingF?!?!?!?! But I have not kept up with it, so I'll keep my mouth shut. Seriously, though. WTF??!

Anyway.

Earlier in the week some nasty little thing took up residence on my right contact. It made it painful to blink. That night I put my lenses in enzymatic cleaner hoping that would take care of the problem. It did not. But at least I was able to deduce that the problem was not a fungus granule, but most likely a tear. Usually, the tears happen on the edges, but this tear is in the middle.

I wear disposables and so I usually keep the pair previous to the current one, just in case, but that one DID have some type of weird granule on it, so I chucked it. Therefore, no spare pair. And my glasses were stepped on. Since I never wear them, I never bothered to replace them. Bad move. For the past few days, I have had to wear the torn contact lens INSIDE OUT so that I can see without feeling like there's an acid-dipped cat claw on my eyeball.

I ordered a new supply and even paid for overnight shipping, but 1800 Contacts has this CONFIRMATION policy wherein they confirm your prescription with your doctor BEFORE THEY SHIP. WTF?? Meghan can tell you ALL ABOUT how much this BLOWS! It's not like I just called in a prescription for some fucking Vicodin! It's 6 contact lenses! COME ON! Just SHIP THAT SHIT already! As it is, it won't be here until TUESDAY at the EARLIEST! WTF? My eyeballs are dreading the next few days.

There's an IT guy, I don't know what his name is, but he's the dorkiest one. There is not the vaguest hint of anything hot about him, even though he's an IT guy. I noticed that none of the other IT guys chill with him. He kinda looks like a cross between Will Wheaton in his awkward teen phase and a Fraggle.

We've actually already had a run-in, Will Fraggle and I, over a printer. My department has about, oh, seven printers, 4 of which predate Melrose Place. They don't work. Of the other three printers, one always jams; one is fine but slow; one is fast, prints broadsheets, but always jams; and one is superfast, relatively new, but since everyone is mapped to it, it breaks down a lot. Anyway, I called IT and bitched and they sent Will Fraggle, who attempted to try and school me of the Tao of Office Printers, but I cut him off and rapidly explained the problems we were having with every printer. He kind of huffed away. Have you ever seen Jimmy Fallon's SNL skit where he plays a socially inept, overly exasperated IT guy? That's Will Fraggle.

Today Will Fraggle was clearing away the computers of two people who recently had the good sense to jet from advertising. I did not know he was afoot. My cubicle-mate, Matt, and I were talking music and I mentioned iTunes and how I STILL DON'T HAVE ACCESS TO MY 'H' DRIVE WHERE MY LIBRARY LIVES (WTFingF???), and suddenly Will Fraggle's round, little Will Wheaton/Fraggle head popped up over the cobalt blue glass on top of my cubicle wall.

"You can't access your 'H' drive?"

"No, I can't, so I can't get to my iTunes library."

"You don't have iTunes."

"I don't?"

"No."

"OK."

He walks around the cubicle and enters my personal space. He takes control of my mouse.

"Just a second," I say, "Let me stop the iTunes I don't have."

"You have iTunes! Who put it on for you?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

He clicks around.

"You don't have administrator privileges on this machine. Who put iTunes on it for you. I BUILT your machine, so I know I didn't put it on."

"No comment."

"Did someone come down here after-hours and do it for you?"

"I can neither confirm nor deny."

He again approaches my machine and I panic. IF THIS LITTLE FUCKER THINKS HE'S GOING TO TAKE MY iTUNES, HE'S GOT ANOTHER FUCKING THING COMING!

"Are you gonna get rid of my iTunes?" I tried to sound pathetic and girlie, but I think I came off more like...I don't know...threatening.

"No, I'm not going to get rid of your iTunes." Oh God, I am now in Will Fraggle's debt.

"You have to tell me who you bribed! Who put it on?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about!" Off he went with his cart o'computers.

I just know that little tattle-tale went upstairs to IT and was all, "Who put iTunes on Danielle Wright's computer THAT I BUILT?" NOW I know why all the messenger programs and my FTP Pro didn't make it onto the machine like iTunes! Because Will fucking Fraggle lost out in the 17th round of auditions for Beauty and the Geek, and now we all have to pay!

WTF???

I said, "I hope that little bastard doesn't think he's going to cockblock my iTunes. I'll take him out."

Matt said, "I got your back, even though I know you won't need it."

"That's right," I said. "Cuz I can take that Fraggle-y little fucker. And he knows it, too!"