One Week To The Day

Well, 46 days after my trusty mare went out to pasture, I've got me a brand-new, scratch-free filly to once again ride into the ground and replace exactly one year from now! Oddly enough, I was less excited about receiving the actual replacement iPod than I thought I would be.
Perhaps because I invested so much of myself - and my hard-earned money - into the first one, that its failure has somewhat diminished the high frequency of devotion I had heretofore unrelentingly beamed out to the Universe.

It's either that or the fact that I'm hungry right now and maybe once I'm fed, I'll have the energy to be more enthusiastic. I'll edit this post and add way more exclamation points should I achieve that state of being. Just so you know.

Last night, more than the iPod, I was anticipating my morning coffee. You know that I do this sometimes. I'm proud to admit that my coffee consumption has achieved 4th dimension status. Recently, I have taken to ordering large, skim cappuccinos in the mornings. Delivering 4x the caffeine with half the fat of my regular large coffees, this seemed like a perfect example of how, as a human, I've evolved to a much higher efficiency than everyone else and am therefore better than pretty much all of you.

However, this level of superiority is quite expensive to maintain. And, since I was forbidden to use my superpowers around those unlike myself, I have a shitty job and cannot afford to pay $20-$30 a week for coffee. That just seems extravagant to me. So last night I resolved to revert back to my large coffee routine and just deal with being a less superior individual.

But that all changed when I walked in the door and saw Whatshisname. He makes good cappuccinos. Spencer (I actually finally introduced myself to him...last week) makes the best cappuccinos, but Whatshisname's are very good, too. I had no choice but to order a cappuccino, but SMALL! I ordered a smalllll...

With two shots.

What?

I think that's an excellent compromise! Hey! I saved myself 75 cents! Baby steps, humans. Baby steps.

Of course, I did all this at great risk to my bank account and peace of mind. You see, it has long been a "rule" of the "Subway" that one is not permitted to carry "any liquid in an open container onto a train or a bus." Why? I don't know. Hot coffee is a weapon, I suppose. But now, apparently, they are "cracking down" and handing out $60 tickets if you're caught with a coffee.

I suppose this sudden desire to enforce the "rules" might have something to do with the First Ever Holiday Fare discount going on right now, in which riders can ride for half the usual fare on the weekends, pretty much annihilating the MTA's surplus and ensuring that the Second Avenue Subway will NEVER be built. Like, EVER. The point was to encourage commerce. Something tells me it'll do more harm than good. I saw a headline this morning that had the words "MTA" and "STRIKE!" in it.

Anyhoo, so it seems like the MTA is trying to recoup some of these lost profits by giving coffee drinkers tickets for drinking coffee. I'm sure you've already guessed by now, but THIS was supposed to be my Special Edition WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK!? Friday post.

I'm just saying - if you're an MTA employee and YOU try to give ME a ticket for exercising every human being's God-given right to drink coffee on their way to work, you're taking your life into your own hands. I'm JUST. SAYING.

I am a good, pleasant girl who LOVES HER MORNING COFFEE. If you take that away from me...I don't know...one hand holds onto to bar, the other hand - my right hand; my DOMINANT hand - holds the coffee. You free that hand up by forcefully removing my morning coffee from my person and well, that hand might just start swinging.

I'm just saying, is all.