Fail to Plan...

Gee, looks appetizing, doesn't it?

Allow me to explain, and hopefully I do a decent job of it despite my bone deep exhaustion:

Remember when I was all, "I refused to order my wedding in a giant size and fuck those bitches in the bridal shop?" Yeah, well, it turned out they were RIGHT about the size of my wedding dress.

My dress. My dress is gorgeous. It glows. It's a dream come true. It's my wedding dress. And, as of September 9, it was too small. Just a smidge. You know, about 3 inches across the hips to be exact.

I'm not sure what I was thinking between March and September of this year while fairies were busy shitting sparkles and sewing them into the wondrous fabric of my gown. I'm pretty sure I WASN'T thinking, otherwise, I would have kept my promise to myself and lost that last 10 pounds and been able to walk into that shop, slide into that dress, and have a happy, tender moment with my mom and my friend as I admired myself in MY dress, not the dirty, crinkly sample. I think I was too busy eating burgers and cheesesteaks to even think about all that.

I had actually convinced myself everything would be fine. The dress would fit. Even though I had ordered it 2 sizes smaller than was recommended and managed to GAIN 5 pounds on top of everything!

Honestly, I wasn't even going to blog about this, mostly because I was deeply, deeply embarrassed. As you well know, my struggles with my weight have been... struggles. And even though I've been entirely open about where I started, where I am now and how I got here, it really kind of sucked when the moment I first tried on my dress, I realized it was too small. I guess I thought those humiliating dressing room moments were over for me. And here was a reminder. Once a Fat Girl, always a Fat Girl.

I have to give a ton of credit to my Mom and to Courtney, because they really worked hard in those awful first moments of realization to keep me from completely breaking down. And then suddenly, after that huge wave of disappointment, a little flame inside me flickered and, with Courtney's prodding, I wanted to know 1.) how much more room the seamstress said I would need to get into the dress and 2.) exactly how long I had to make it happen.

We settled on a date of October 24. And, grudgingly, the shop ladies held back on their "I told you so's."

Fast forward through me pouting and being sad and my friends, family and MFDC heaping a ton of encouragement and support on me. Fast forward even through my bridal showers in NJ (which were awesome, and I totally enjoyed myself, but believe me, the dress thing was heavy on my mind) to the moment when Kimberly introduced me to her trainer via email. Thus began my journey to this point, where I am right at this moment, having just cooked a giant batch of marinated chicken and medium sweet potatoes.

It's all part of the master plan. Kimberly's trainer put me to work immediately. She told me what to do and I did it. She told me what to buy and I bought it. She told me what to eat and I ate it. And now I've lost 12 pounds since the first time I tried on MY dress in September. I've lost almost 3 inches, which was exactly what I needed to get into the dress. I'm almost there and I'm 2 weeks ahead of schedule!

I heard this great quote one night when I was just starting this training on The Biggest Loser. WHAT? Shut up! I love that show! Anyway, the quote, from one of the trainers, was "Fail to plan, plan to fail." That has been my biggest lesson learned from the past month. Getting fit takes resolve, energy, and LOTS of planning.

See, this is why I couldn't NOT share this. This is huge. This is triumph over evil(burgers). This is me with a fire lit under my ass! This is me channeling my inner Bridezilla and sicking her on myself!

I have a fitting scheduled Saturday. It's really just a check-in fitting to see where I am with the dress and how far I may still have to go to make my final fitting by October 24. I'm so close that I'm not even nervous. I'm not even scared. I'm excited. I'll have my best good friends and my mom with me and I have a feeling it will be a good day.

In fact, I've done so well, my trainer is allowing me to have a meal of my choice after the fitting, but then it's right back to business! Because I am still motivated by a deep, deep resolve that no one will touch my dress unless I say so. It's a work of art. There will be not one stitch of embroidery released, not one bead shifted from where it is right now. Not on my watch!