Clear As A Bell

The following are the clear foodstuffs to which I am limited for the next 13 hours:



It's a good thing I like everything suggested on my prep sheet, otherwise I'd be screwed.

I am working from home today so I can consume the small, recommended quantities of my clear foodstuffs and suffer my hunger pains and low blood sugar nausea in solitude. Then around 3 p.m., I'll begin heavily dosing myself with pills that will help clear the way for the eyes on the other side of the Camera Up the Butt Procedure.

I'm already pretty anxious about the whole thing, not because it's a medical procedure - I've had plenty of those. I'm anxious because it's an unknown medical procedure. I'm supposedly too young for it, but it's medically necessary according to the communication going on between my Doctor's office and my insurance company right now to ensure that the anesthetic is covered.

Anyway, what's on the other side of the camera that will go down my throat and then up my butt (and hopefully in that order!)? I have no idea. Hopefully, some good, solid answers. I'd be happy if I heard, "We found a gut elf and he's been absorbing all your B12, the little bastard. We took him out, though. It wasn't pretty. But soon you'll be good as new and will no longer walk around feeling hella less than 100%!"

I'd be happy with that. I just need an answer. I'm one of those. I can't. not. know. And not knowing BEFORE the procedure is producing the same effect as I imagine those pills will. I can't help it. It's my natural reaction to anxiety. Stress at work: Gotta poo! Near-death traffic event: Gotta poo! Need to have a difficult conversation: Gotta poo! Paying bills online: Gotta poo! Running to make it somewhere on time: Gotta poo, very inconveniently!

Now I'm off to some broth and white grape juice, followed by green jello once it re-solidifies (accidentally left it out overnight... Whoops)!

Stay tuned for the next installment of today's medical drama, in which I inject myself for the very first time ever with liquid B12. Because that's what it's come to, kids. Self-injections. I wish Madonna were here to do it for me. I heard she gives herself B12 injections. Maybe that's how she's able to run around performing on stage at the age of 50, all the while not looking a day over 47!!!

UPDATE: Scratch the Pomegranate white tea. I forgot it steeps to a deep pink, which is a big no-no during Camera Up the Butt prep. No orange or red colors, just green or yellow.