NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

According to this article at 247wallst.com, one of the 12 major brands they predict will close by the end of 2010 is:

6. Gap (GAP) Old Navy and Banana Republic. Gap is a three-brand company living in a two-brand body. In March, same-store sales for the Gap North America flagship brand were off 14% following a 14% drop in the same month in 2008. Sales at Old Navy were flat for the same month but dropped 27% in March 2008. Sales at Banana Republic were off 16% this year and 8% last year. Gap announced that year-to-date net sales were $2.08 billion for the nine weeks that ended April 4, 2009, a decrease of 9% compared with net sales of $2.28 billion for the nine weeks that ended April 5, 2008. Old Navy has more stores than Banana Republic, 1,067 compared to 573. In the fourth quarter of last year, Gap had less than a 6% operating margin on $4.1 billion in revenue. In other words, if same-store sales at the company continue to drop 15% month after month, Gap is going to run into problems. Old Navy is still the weakest brand of the lot. Gap will have to close it down.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! NO! I do NOT accept this! I just effing opened an account at Old Navy (aka, Old Slavey for the fact that its cheap, cheap clothes come at a high price to child laborers in distant lands)slash Gap slash Banana Republic slash Piperlime.com. Where will I shop once Gap closes Old Navy down? How the HELL will I be able to stay clothed during my yearly weight fluctuations? How is it possible that they are doing poorly when every time I walk into that store it's always picked over by what could have only been a herd of bargain hunters? How? HOW?

Look, it's not that I PREFER Old Navy over other brands. I go with Old Navy because it's cheap and I'm hard on clothes. I bump into things: sharp things, pointy things, greasy things, ink things, bleachy things... It's no big deal when I drop a forkful of gluten-free mac 'n cheese on an Old Navy tee shirt. It was only $5 anyway. It was good while it lasted. But if I dropped that same forkful of gluten-free mac 'n cheese on, say, a GAP tee or an Anthropologie tee (the labor practices of both most likely as dubitable as Old Slavey, which is clearly not reflected in the actual price of their garments), I would be SICK! SICK!

I would jump up, tear the house apart looking for the Stain Stick, and all the while my half-full belly would be churning with anxiety over the potential loss of my >$5 shirt. I am so accident-prone and such a stain-magnet that I could not POSSIBLY afford to clothe myself at any price point greater than that of Old Navy and still maintain my peace of mind and a reasonably "fashionable" wardrobe.

Help me, Target. You're my only hope.