Gangsta Bitches

Last night I was a hero in the apartment. I came home from work late, of course, having consumed a scrumptious evening feast consisting of water, soy crisps (with Real Cheddar Cheese!), and a Nature Valley granola bar. Sara walked in the door shortly after I did. We still had not discussed The Incident Involving Vinny the Damn Cat.

After that was taken care of, we discussed our lack of ability to connect to the World Wide Web and how frustrating it was. Sara informed me that the cable guy was going to be coming by for a visit on Saturday, and asked me if I would be around. But then I figured out the problem, yo! I can’t even believe I was able to do it, but I did. Sometimes I surprise myself.

Sara immediately started downloading music after the rejoicing had subsided. She has a predilection for naaasty, drrrrty music. The first song she chose to download? "It Was a Good Day," Ice Cube.

The evening continued on something like this:

Sara: Awwww yeah…I love this song!
Danielle: I have this! When I first got it I listened to it every morning on the way to work.
Sara: Now I want to look up some NWA – "F*** Tha Police"!! What else did they do?
Danielle: "Straight Outta Compton" is pretty good.
Sara: Oh yeah! Here it is! OH WAIT! I LOVE THIS SONG!
Danielle: Which one? "Straight Outta Compton?"
Sara: No! "Just Don’t Bite It"!
Danielle: Oh God. I don’t think I’ve ever heard it.

She started playing "Just Don’t Bite It," by N.W.A., which, if you’re not familiar, is about exactly what you think it’s about. And she knew all the words.

Danielle: I can’t believe you know all the words!
Sara: I loved this! I had this in 7th grade!
Danielle: Oh, my God! I had NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK in 7th grade!*
Sara: I love nasty, fucked-up sex songs.
Danielle: I noticed.
Sara: Oh shit. This one’s the real deal. You might not know it.

Then she started playing "Turn Off the Lights" by Teddy Pendergrass.

Danielle: Teddy? Puh-leeeez, girl. Have I told you anything about my mom, Loretta, yet? She luuurvs this shit.
Sara: I love it!

She then played some Al Green, of course, and then went quiet for a while…until I heard, "Oooh YEEAH!," and then the beginning of Cameo’s "Word Up."

Danielle: We were just talking about this at work today! I love this song! It’s on Mr. Peanut’s Playlist! (don’t ask)

The next song she played was Cameo’s "Candy." (I know you know THAT one, Meghan.)
That was followed by "Best of My Love," an all-time favorite by The Emotions, "You Sexy Thing," by Hot Chocolate and finally, "Meeting In the Ladies Room," by Klymaxx.

"Uh-oh, uh-uh-ooh."

*Before I completely destroy any cool factor I fancy myself possessing, I should state that yes, though I was a complete NKOTB zombie and had all the posters, buttons, tapes, etc...I also had eleven notebooks filled with the filthiest, most adult NKOTB/naked scenarios my 13 year-old brain could conjure. And so did two of my girlfriends, who shall remain nameless, but we would have sleepovers and stay up all night writing NKOTB porn, drinking gallons of water, and weighing ourselves every 5 minutes. After making music videos and teasing out each other's hair.