First Day

Though I’m taking the lowest dose of Cymbalta, I’m still a little freaked out by it. OK, I’m a LOT freaked out. And stumbling upon websites that only feature people who’ve had a bad experience on it yesterday was NOT a good idea. I was obsessing. Am I making the right choice? How will this affect me physically? How will this affect Dan? Will I gain weight? Lose weight? Kill my sex drive? Sleep all the time? Get sick? Nauseated? What?

I had myself so psyched out last night that this morning, knowing I couldn’t take another minute of uncertainty, I took the pill. I hate the thought of using my brain as a component in a chemistry experiment, but my alternatives –for the moment- are not very many. The goal is to make it through this induction phase, hopefully feel better, harness the new energy and use it to get my metaphorical car out of the metaphorical mud. Then, with the help of diet, exercise and supplements, eventually taper-off to a 100% natural depression/anxiety control regimen.

Here goes nothing.

10 a.m. – took the Cymbalta along with my other morning meds and some Benefiber, which was recommended by my doctor.

So far, I just have lots of anxiety, but that’s because I’m nervous that I am somehow going to break my brain and I feel bad that my body has to endure me.

10:12 a.m. – Experiencing some cramping but this may be due to my anxiety level and the fact that I’m always crampy in the belly in the morning, especially after coffee.

10:50 a.m. – I feel calmer, but also a little foggy. I woke up early today, so I can’t blame it on the AD. Just had a biiiiiiiig yaaaaaaaaawn.

11:17 a.m. – Still feeling pretty calm. I’m searching my brain for turds because that’s what I do. I look for the turds. When I stop looking for the turds, then I’ll know it’s working.

11:29 a.m. – There is a very pleasant feeling coming from my head. I just ate some almonds. Not because I was hungry, but because I wanted to enjoy them.

11:44 a.m. – I keep feeling like this: “Wheeeeee!” “Uh oh.” “Wheeeeeeee!” “Uh oh.”

11:55 a.m. – Ok, which one of you put a candy bar in my head? Hmmmm???

12:20 p.m. – I’m a little more “normal” now. Enjoying a crispy, sweet apple.

12:33 p.m. – Feelin’ good, but my right eye is twitching a little. This happens to me frequently when my eyes are strained, and right now I’m breaking in new contacts, so I don’t think my brain is breaking.


12:56 p.m. – Weird cramp in the mid-chest region. Like I swallowed a rock and it just kind of settled there. I can deal. Going out to get Kimberly a bday prezzie and some lunchies!

1:51 p.m. – The rock in my chestal area is much smaller. I am quite thirsty. I had a yummy lunch and enjoyed being outside. I actually did a few errands that I’ve been putting off for a few weeks. The whole time, all I heard in my head was either what I happened to be concentrating on the music playing in the store. I’m still hearing that music in my head, but I am not hearing or feeling anything overtly negative.

3:09 p.m. – Time is flying by for me, so this must mean that I am able to focus and get work done. Because I am definitely getting work done, but my brain isn’t darting 107 places every 180 seconds. I have a bit of an anxiety knot in my belly, which I was kind of expecting, but yet I’m strangely OK with it. For now.

3:17 p.m. – Just notice I was clenching my jaw. I do this often, but it’s also a side-effect. Also feeling the first tender buds of a headache. We’ll see how that goes.

4:34 p.m. – I’m tired now. My stomach is a little nauseated and that budding headache is slowly gaining strength. Still, I’m determined to power through. If this is the worst of it, then I think I’m OK! I really could use a nap, though… trying not to have caffeine after 2 p.m., as suggested by my doc.

5:21 p.m. – Starting to rally. I feel a bit better after some Cranberry Apple tea. It sort of settled my belly, but not totally. I’ll be leaving work soon to go home, dive into Dan’s beard, and then rally so I can rock out at the Team Scrub show.

5:54 p.m. – Ok, I feel kind of wiped, but all the uncomfortable stuff is gone. Here’s wishing me a good night’s sleep with no panic attacks! Overall, I'm not regretting my decision. Stay tuned!