The Gathering Storm

Yes, I am titling this blog about the pimple forming on the tip of my nose. It's been sore for two days and despite my best efforts to uninvite the damn thing, it continues its path of destruction. As much as I dread it, I'm sure I'll be fascinated by it once it's here! Sick, but true.

On a less disgusting note (provided you are not Tom Cruise), today is the day I get my crazy measured. What they will do is weigh my head on a Weight Watchers food scale and determine how burdened I am by dark thoughts and then prescribe accordingly.

Kidding.

Sort of.

Actually, this is my "intake" appointment, which will cost me many hundreds of dollars not covered by my insurance company (my fault - I didn't know this guy didn't "participate" in my health plan, which actually does provide tremendous mental health coverage, but only for participating physicians), and which will last approximately 2 hours. During that time, I will attempt to accurately convey how terribly painful it is to be me, a middle-class, white, well-fed American woman with a secure job, a good family, great friends and an awesome, loving fiance. I know, I know. But try not to pity me. I find reasons to smile everyday.

Despite the troll living in my head.

You know, I'm pretty proud of myself. For so long I never mentioned how I was feeling because I was ashamed and frustrated with myself for my inability to Fix It. But I recently read a post by a female blogger about depression and decided I should "come out." Reading that post helped me over the final hurdles of making the decision to progress to this step and now I feel no shame whatsoever in sharing the details of these events as they unfold. Maybe I can help someone else, who knows? All I know is that it's helpful for me to tell you what I'm experiencing because... it just is.

And plus, YOU'RE FREE.