I went there last night. To Margaritaville. I was carried on golden wings of Cuervo...
..and then my ass was unceremoniously dumped in Brooklyn with a hangover so bad it woke me at 4:11 a.m. My mouth was dry and I was convinced I smelled like tequila. My earphones were, once again, wrapped around my neck.
We were celebrating, Kimberly and I - a pact to seek out new worlds and explore new civilizations. Or is it seek out new civilizations and explore new worlds? Anyway, we're boldly going where we've never gone before, and so we decided to procure some salads to seal the pact. Someone said something about a margarita and one thing led to another. It so happened that we ended up terrorizing Murray Hill. If only the hostess hadn't forgotten about us sitting at the bar!
As I sit here typing this, I am worried about a few things:
1.) Will I hurl today? Hopefully not, but it's taking quite an effort not to.
2.) Will I regret pointing Kimberly to this website?
3.) Will I ever find a non-violent PETA-friendly way to resolve this rift with Vinny the Damn Cat?
4.) I forgot to get those tickets, Meghan!
5.) Will I be able to keep up my part of The Pact?
6.) Will my bank account ever be able to recover from my recent iTunes blitz?
7.) Is it possible to die by way of iPod earphones while sleeping?
8.) Will my Mexican Candy arrive on time today? (Strawberry flavored lollipops shaped like CORN ON THE COB and dusted with chili powder! Er...yum!?)
9.) Oh God. I promised Kimberly I would email Gary (the G train dude). I P-R-O'd it, too. If you know me, you know that now it must be done.
10.) Ugh.
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8 comments:
to the worry-"her" in brooklyn:
emphasizing the need for fun and frolic, it's no wonder i can sense a small but frail wince of pain in your voice today.. but alas.. there's alot to be said for looking fabulous (as you do) after the "not-so" fabulous drinks downed the night before.
so please..
1) don't hurl. have some greazy-ass fast food today and your stomach will fine. cause if you hurl... there's no doubt, the sound, the smell, and the sight will cause a chain reaction with your cube-mates! :)
3) (the REAL reason why i'm commenting)... there are a lot of different non-violent PETA-friendly ways to share with the cat your distaste for his "cordial" introduction...
a)you could gently pet Vinny, stroking his soft hair with a rubber glove (those yellow cleaning kinds), applying pressure as you begin to remove tufts of hair per stroke until the poor puss is crouching bald.. afterall, the summer is here and i'm sure it's time to shed ;)
b)offer a bowl of milk as a peace offering... just make sure that the milk is slightly sour. it will cause some slight discomfort and then the bowels will move.. or better yet, he'll hack somewhere else. after which you can deny any knowledge of milk expiration
c)trail cat-nip (make sure it's at its full potentcy) to the window ledge, leaving a large pile. have the window is open. make sure that your high enough (the cat sure will be!) that the doped puss will eventually reach for something fluttering and fall to it's unfortunate demise... after all, the nip will be gone, and most certainly will the cat (unless the 9-lives thing is true.. which in fact, you will have 8 more to deal with).
there are many more PETA-friendly punishments, but i won't bore you to death with the rest...
until then.. toodles with your problems, your distresses, and most certainly... THAT CAT!!
Classic! I love this. I know who you are, but I'll keep your secret as long as you agree to keep commenting! FOREVER.
A few more comments...
*Please try to save me one of those crazy Mexican lollipops.
**I use to live across the street from El Rio. Those Margaritas knock you on your ASS. They rock, but can lead to dangerous drunken results.
***I think your fiend,er!,friend, thinks PETA is a flat bread for hummus.
Do you ever socialize with this person? If so, I suggest gently confiscating matches and lighters when the opportunity arises.
Also, you may want to casually mention taking jazzer-cise to relieve extra stress. (NO, I have not personally tried this.)
The simple fact that you felt the need to put a disclaimer on your last statement proves that you have, in fact, jazzercised. This is fine. You should be comfortable in your knowlegde of jazzercise. You should NOT be comfortable, however, with your eerily extensive legwarmer collection.
I have NO Capezio shoes, no leg warmers, and "all that jazz". I appreciate your support, but merely meant Jazzercise as a way for your disfuntional friend to find a way to step out.
dear sam...
thank you so much for your suggestion... i would like to think that the new millenium has much better and more productive options, such as pilates, yoga, instead of exercise routines invented in the 80's, which seems to be where you are stuck... but, however it is.. i'm sure even the coordinating headbands, wristlets and legwarmers served their purpose... i won't knock it... it's purely a matter of fashionable discretion... :)
as for being dysfunktunabel, or clearly, "disfunctional", i am not. i merely decided to give creative ways in solving a major problem involving more than two parties, clearly as worry-"her", vinny and PETA count three.
but as a vegetarian, i clearly know what hummus is and mistake very little unless told/shown otherwise. and obviously, am PETA friendly as well (sly-grin and single laugh).
but be careful what you wish for... stepping out, could lead to ... um, per say, extensive stress relieving activities... ;)
(disclaimer: please don't take offense to the above written comment. it was concoted merely to provoke humor, laughter, and a little devil that shows face in all of us. :) but above and beyond, it is concise clarification for personal intent.)
Sam, you have the floor...
Dear Anonymous,
A few thoughts...
*You must have "Jazzercise" confused with "Sweatn' to the oldies" - it has moved right into the new millenium and can be found at many Y's and cheap local gyms.
*I do tip my hat to you for making an effort (however misguided) to help Danielle with her problems, since knowing you clearly her list of problems is getting longer.
*I would like to retract my comment about hummus, point taken.
*Finally, I am shocked by your insinuation that I am stuck in the 80s. My choice of listening to Irene Cara tapes on my walkman while working out is simply a financial decision - it has a beat and I can work out to it, so why upgrade?
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