Bow Down, Bitches!

Behold! I am the Queen of Unforeseen Anythings! You may address Us as Queen Danielle, Your Majesty, Your Most Perfectest Biatch, whateves…just make sure you use superlatives and that you bow down when you are in Our presence!

The Queendom of Unforeseen Anythings is a tiny principality. Much like Monaco, in fact, except without the whole “Playground of the Wealthy/Tax Haven/Tragic Royal Love Story” thing. However, there are one or two hard-partying Princesses, and some have seen a Prince with a receding hairline meandering about. The similarities end right there.

I inherited this Queendom from my mother. As the only girl, I was the first in line to the throne. But I always swore it would never be me. I always thought I would abdicate. See, as the Queen of Unforeseen Anythings, you’re subject to twists of fate most normal people will NEVER encounter. You’ll invariably be kicked when you’re down, struck by falling rocks, forced to take three steps back for every one step forward. You’ll also make bad decisions that will seem trivial at the time, but will return to haunt you for the REST OF YOUR LIFE.

I never wanted that for myself. Who would? I know my mother never wanted it for herself, but yet, she’s still struggling. She’ll be 56 this year. She’s sick. She’s separated. I’m 28. And I’m still struggling. If I’m not careful, I see for myself what she has had to endure, and that is the thought that wakes me up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat with my heart pounding out of my chest. So, it would seem that fate has seen fit to put this crown on my head regardless of how I feel about it. I guess you can’t outrun your destiny.

However, I have enough people behind me, pushing me forward, even when exhaustion turns me into dead weight, that eventually, hopefully, I’ll experience that small, triumphant moment when you finally pop the clutch and just take off.

I’m so ready for that moment. I just hope I have what it takes to get me from here to there.