My brother Steve turns 31 today, which means that this year I will finally be old enough to vote. I'm so excited.
Steve, Steve, Steve... what more can I say that I didn't already cover in last year's birthday post, you greedy bastard?
This has been a particularly rough year for you. They don't seem to be getting better do they? Well, I just want you to know that I truly do believe you're going to come out of this stronger than ever.
When you were going through all that agony in December, it KILLED me that I couldn't be there for you all the time, and that every step was like a razor to your nerves. I wished I could have eased your pain. I counted the days to December 11. And not just because that's kind of around when my iPod arrived.
I know it's hard right now. I know the future is uncertain, but more than anybody else, I believe in you. And not just because you believe in me and are my #1 fan! I believe in you because you're just too good to stay down. You have skills you don't even know about yet.
I wish I had the resources to offer up to you what you have offered up to me when you're telling me about following my destiny. I wish I could say to you, "Don't worry about it, Steve. I'll give you what you need to get there and then all you have to do is fucking do what you're doing." But I'm poor and spend all my money on iTunes and sugar-free food options, so that's out.
What I CAN say to you is, don't worry, Steve. I hear what you're saying. I believe that you are right. Maybe one day, you can be my bodyguard and beat up all the mofos who touch me inappropriately, like the Mailroom Guy.
I'll also say, don't worry about it, Steve. A long time ago you believed in me and told me I was good. And I finally heard you and look at where we are. Now get your fucking bear paws off my Pimp Cup!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BABY STEVE!
Enjoy your BRAND NEW iPOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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