My mom and I just watched a really terrible Jennifer Aniston movie. Man, I just cannot feel sorry for her. I know everyone wants to paint her as the poor, discarded wife but here's my view:
1.) If Brad Pitt wants to knock you up, you take it like a champ and squirt out a few babies. It's your genetic duty to the species. She failed at this.
2.) If I were married and my husband left me for Angelina Jolie, I don't think I'd be so mad. I'd be resigned. I mean, as soon as she found out they'd be working together, she should have been packing and saving us from all the "JEN SPOTTED WITHOUT HER WEDDING BAND" headlines.
3.) If there is a situation where your husband has to get all but naked and simulate having sex with Angelina Jolie (all the while getting paid millions of dollars to do it), who has an adorable, mohawked, asian baby, and big, puffy lips with legs up to her neck, then you should just figure that it's over and ask Courtney and David if you can crash on their couch for a while, until you "figure things out."
Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are the two people on the planet most of us get Free Passes for. As in, "Honey, if you ever had an opportunity to fuck Angelina Jolie, I would let you and not take your ass to divorce court, where I would assume ownership of 50% of everything you ever made and will make for the rest of your life." The same goes for Brad Pitt.
How did she not realize this? How did she not FREAK THE FUCK OUT the minute he came home and said, "I'm doing Mr. & Mrs. Smith with Angelina Jolie." Danielle would have handed him the phone and said, "I don't fucking think so, Mister. You can just call them back and say a big, fat NO to that one." And then I would have said, "I'm pregnant."
Anyway, this post was supposed to be about how I was excited to go to sleep just so I could wake up and have a gallon of WaWa coffee. Which is true. But I also can't wait for Brad's Y to meet Angelina's X. The entire human race, with the exception of a few other perfect specimens (you know who you are, I don't need to name you here), will spontaneously combust. The perfect human will have been created. It'll be like Pompeii. Except, I've heard rumors that Angelina is "not interested" in being pregnant.
What kind of world do we live in where Brad Pitt can't find someone to be his baby mama? A fucked up one, I tell you.
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6 comments:
"If Brad Pitt wants to knock you up, you take it like a champ and squirt out a few babies."
You need to have a Quote of the Day section.
Hmm... I'll consider it once I have enough resources to process ONE MORE THING this evening.
YOU WERE STILL UP?!?!
I just saw Branjoilie in "Mr. & Mrs. Smith." The movie was too long (holy long ending bat man), but seeing the 2 of them together was interesting enough that I'd give the flick a thumbs up.
BTW, you never mentioned WHICH bad movie Of JA's you saw...
I wasn't ready to go to bed just yet.
Picture Perfect! She works at an ad agency. I found Hollywood's interpretation of the business quite amusing.
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